HEART-TO-HEART TALKS. (The Kaiser and Count Bernstorff.) The Kaiser (concluding a tirade). And so, in spite of my superhuman forbearance, this is what it has come to. Germany is smacked in the face in view of the whole world—yes, I repeat it, is smacked in the face, and by a nation which is not a nation at all, but a sweeping together of the worst elements in all the other nations, a country whose... more...

HEART-TO-HEART TALKS. (The GERMAN CROWN PRINCE and Marshal HINDENBURG). Hindenburg. So your Royal Highness proposes to leave us again? The Prince.Yes, Marshal, I'm going to leave you for a short time. I have made arrangements which will render my absence from the Front as little disadvantageous as may be possible. My orders have been carefully drawn up so as to provide for every contingency, and I... more...

HEART-TO-HEART TALKS. (The Emperor of AUSTRIA and Count TISZA.) Tisza. So there is the full account, your Majesty, of men killed, wounded and captured. The Emperor. It is a gloomy list and I hardly can bear to consider it. Tisza. Yes, and beyond the mere list of casualties by fighting there are other matters to be considered. Food is scarce and of a poor quality, in Hungary as elsewhere. The armies we... more...

RECOGNITION. "Francesca," I said, "have you seen it?" "It? What?" "The announcement." "What announcement?" "I have been gazetted," I said. "Did it hurt much?" she said. "Or were you able to bear it without a murmur?" "It's in The Times," I said, "and you shall read it, whether you like it or not. It's in the place... more...

TITLE AND HALF-TITLE PAGES. With a view to economy of paper, the title and half-title pages of the Volume which is completed with the present issue are not being delivered with copies of Punch as hitherto; they will however be sent free, by post, upon receipt of a request. Those readers who have their Volumes bound at the Punch Office, or by other binders in the official binding-cases, will not need to... more...

February 2, 1916. According to the Correspondent of The Daily Mail who described the festivities at Nish, the King of Bulgaria "has a curious duck-like waddle." This is believed to be the result of his effort to do the Goose-Step while avoiding the Turkey-Trot. Owing to the extraction of benzol and toluol from gas for the purpose of making high-explosives it is stated that consumers may have to... more...

LESSONS OF THE WAR. I. (Acting upon instructions received from the 3rd Self-help Division the 9th Self-help Brigade issues its orders for a Raid.) 9th Self-help Brigade Operation Order No. 49. August 1st, 1920. Ref. Maps. London 1/40000 shoot 27 S.W. and (Special) 1/500 (Broadmead). 1. The 9th Self-help Brigade will carry out a Raid upon Broadmead House, Broadmead Square, W., on the night of 12/13... more...

MORE DISCIPLINE. "Yes, Sir," said Sergeant Wally, accepting one of my cigarettes and readjusting his wounded leg,—"yes, Sir, discipline's the thing. It's only when a man moves on the word o' command, without waiting to think, that he becomes a really reliable soldier. I remember, when I was a recruit, how they put us through it. I'd been on the square about a week. I... more...

Of the many varieties of keeper, I propose, at present, to consider only the average sort of keeper, who looks after a shooting, comprising partridges, pheasants, hares, and rabbits, in an English county. Now it is to be observed that your ordinary keeper is not a conversational animal. He has, as a rule, too much to do to waste time in unnecessary talk. To begin with, he has to control his staff, the... more...

A FAREWELL TOUR. This is positively Chum's last appearance in print—for his own sake no less than for yours. He is conceited enough as it is, but if once he got to know that people are always writing about him in the papers his swagger would be unbearable. However, I have said good-bye to him now; I have no longer any rights in him. Yesterday I saw him off to his new home, and when we meet again... more...