Owen Seaman

PROGRESS. ["Giving evidence recently before a Select Committee of the House of Commons, Miss C. E. Collet, of the Home Office, said the commercial laundry was killing the small hand laundry."—Evening News.] The little crafts! How soon they die! In cottage doors no shuttle clicks; The hand-loom has been ousted by A large concern with lots more sticks. The throb of pistons beats around; Great... more...

THE MINISTRY OF ANCESTRY. "As you are aware," said a prominent official of the Ministry of Ancestry, "although our department has only been in existence for a few months the profits have enabled the Government to take twopence off the income-tax and to provide employment for thousands of deserving clerks dismissed, in deference to public opinion, from other Government offices."... more...

September 16, 1914. "Our future lies upon the water," once boasted the Kaiser. "And our present lies in it," as the German soldier remarked when the Belgians opened the dykes near Antwerp. The mass of the German people would seem to be extraordinarily ill-informed in regard to the War and to stand sadly in need of enlightenment in some respects. For example, their ebullitions of rage... more...

1. A SONG OF RENUNCIATION. (AFTER A. C. S.) In the days of my season of salad,  When the down was as dew on my cheek, And for French I was bred on the ballad,  For Greek on the writers of Greek,–– Then I sang of the rose that is ruddy,  Of ‘pleasure that winces and stings,’ Of white women and wine that is bloody,  And similar things. Of Delight that is dear as Desi-er,  And Desire that is... more...

WAYS AND MEANS. I met her at the usual place, and she looked much the same as usual—which astonished me rather. "Now that we're engaged," I began. "Oh, but we aren't," said Phyllis. "Are you by any chance a false woman?" I asked. "You remember what you said last night?" "I do, and what I said I stick to. But that was pleasure, and this is business." I... more...

CHARIVARIA. The German claim that as the result of the Zeppelin raid "England's industry to a considerable extent is in ruins" is probably based on the fact that three breweries were bombed. To the Teuton mind such a catastrophe might well seem overwhelming. A possible explanation of the Government's action in closing the Museums is furnished by the Cologne Gazette, which observes... more...

August 12, 1914. A gentleman with a foreign name who was arrested in the neighbourhood of the Tyne shipyards last week with measuring gauges and a map in his possession explained, on being charged, that he was looking for work. It is possible that some hard labour may be found for him. "Members of Parliament will not suffer," was the comfortable statement of Mr. Josiah Wedgwood during a speech... more...

November 18, 1914. Contrary to the usual custom there were no official dinners on the eve of the opening of Parliament. The explanation of this is clear to the German Press. It was due to scarcity of food. Upon receipt of the Japanese ultimatum, the Kaiser, it may be remembered, cabled to the commander of his Chinese fortress:—"Bear in mind that it would shame me more to surrender Kiaochau to the... more...

May 6, 1914. According to an official of the Imperial Japanese household, the poems composed by the late Dowager-Empress of Japan numbered 30,000. But these were never published, and the Empress died universally respected. A foolish hoax is said to have been perpetrated on the authorities at Dublin Castle. An anonymous communication informed them that a Dreadnought had been purchased by the Ulster... more...

CHARIVARIA. We are in a position to state that the efficiency of Germany's new submersible Zeppelins has been greatly exaggerated. Many schemes for coping with our £2,100,000,000 War indebtedness are before the authorities, and at least one dear old lady has written suggesting that they should hold a bazaar. It is stated that the monkey market at Constantinople, which for hundreds of years has... more...