APRIL 7, 1920. "Do the British people," asks Mr. Blatchford, "understand the nature of the monster modern military science has created?" We hope to hear later what name Mr. Winston Churchill has found for Mr. Blatchford. Agitation for a Federal Divorce Law is being revived in the United States. It appears that there are still some backward States where the expenses of a divorce suit... more...

December 30, 1914. Abdul the D—d is said to feel it keenly that, when the British decided to appoint a Sultan in Egypt, they did not remember that he was out of a job. Meanwhile Abbas Pasha is reported to have had a presentiment that he would one day be replaced by Kamel Pasha. is said that for some time past he would start nervously whenever he heard the band of a Highland regiment playing "The... more...

CHARIVARIA. Portugal is now officially at war with Germany, and the dogs of frightfulness are already toasting "der Tagus." At first the report that Enver Pasha had gone to pay a visit to the tomb of the Prophet at Medina caused a feeling of profound depression in Constantinople; but it is now recognised that there was no other course open to him, as Mahomet was not in a position to visit the... more...

June 9, 1920. Owing to heavy storms the other day one thousand London telephones were thrown out of order. Very few subscribers noticed the difference. A camera capable of photographing the most rapid moving objects in the world is the latest invention of an American. There is some talk of his trying to photograph a bricklayer whizzing along at his work. "Perjury is now rampant in all our Courts... more...

CHARIVARIA. According to The Evening News, lambs have already put in an appearance in Dorset. People who expect the Poet Laureate to rush to the spot will be bitterly disappointed. "What was a golden eagle doing in Lincolnshire?" asks "L.G.M." in The Daily Mail. We never answer these personal questions. The Public Libraries Committee of West Ham has declined to purchase The... more...

SEPTEMBER 2, 1914. Reports still continue to come in as to the outbursts of rage which took place in Germany when the news of our participation in the War reached that country. Seeing that we had merely been asked to allow our friends to be robbed and murdered, our interference is looked upon as peculiarly gratuitous. We hear, by the way, that the Germans, who hold Kiao-chau on a long lease, appealed... more...

THE MINISTRY OF ANCESTRY. "As you are aware," said a prominent official of the Ministry of Ancestry, "although our department has only been in existence for a few months the profits have enabled the Government to take twopence off the income-tax and to provide employment for thousands of deserving clerks dismissed, in deference to public opinion, from other Government offices."... more...

November 17th, 1920. It is rumoured that a gentleman who purchased a miniature two-seater car at the Motor Show last week arrived home one night to find the cat playing with it on the mat. It appears that nothing definite has yet been decided as to whether The Daily Mail will publish a Continental edition of the Sandringham Hat. The matter having passed out of the hands of D.O.R.A., the Westminster... more...

January 19, 1916. In a description of Lord Kitchener's home at Broome Park we read that on the way there one passes a kind of crater known by the rustics as "Old England's Hole." And a little farther on you come to the man who got Old England out of it. A German professor advocates the appointment of State matrimonial agents. Elderly and experienced ladies and gentlemen should be... more...

CHARIVARIA. A Swedish scientist has invented a new building material called sylvenselosit. It is said to cost one-fifth the price of the building material in use in this country, which is known to the trade as wishyumagetit. A folding motor-car is said to have been invented which has a greater speed than any other car. The next thing that requires inventing is a folding pedestrian to cope with it.... more...