Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 152, April 18, 1917

Excerpt

HEART-TO-HEART TALKS.

(The GERMAN CROWN PRINCE and Marshal HINDENBURG).

Hindenburg. So your Royal Highness proposes to leave us again?

The Prince.Yes, Marshal, I'm going to leave you for a short time. I have made arrangements which will render my absence from the Front as little disadvantageous as may be possible. My orders have been carefully drawn up so as to provide for every contingency, and I trust that nothing the enemy can do will find my stout fellows unprepared, while I am devising fresh triumphs for them in my temporary retirement.

Hindenburg. We shall all regret the absence of your Royal Highness from those fields in which you have planted new proofs both of German courage and of German intellectual superiority; but no doubt your Highness will be all the better for a short rest. May I, perhaps, ask the immediate cause of your Highness's departure from the Front?

The Prince. No, Marshal, you mustn't, for if you do I shall not answer you fully. (Hums) Souvent femme varie; fol qui s'y fie—do you know what that means, you rogue?

Hindenburg. I know your Highness spoke in French, which is not what I should have expected from one who stands so near to the throne.

The Prince. Now, you mustn't be angry; only dull people ever get angry.

Hindenburg. Your Royal Highness means to say—?

The Prince. I mean to say that you're not dull—not really dull, you know, and that therefore you can't be allowed to get angry about a mere trifle. Besides, our predecessor, the GREAT FREDERICK, always spoke in French and wrote his poetry in French—very poor stuff it was too—and had a violent contempt for the German language, which he considered a barbarous jargon.

Hindenburg. I care not what the GREAT FREDERICK may have thought as to this matter—there are other points in which it might be well to imitate him first rather than to remember what he thought and said about our noble German language—but for me it is enough to know that the Emperor and King whom I serve holds no such ideas.

The Prince. Of course he doesn't; he holds no ideas at all of any kind.

Hindenburg. At least he would be angry to hear such—

The Prince. Of course he would; he's dull enough in all conscience for that or anything else.

Hindenburg (after a pause). Your Royal Highness will, perhaps, forgive me if I draw your gracious attention to the fact that I have much work to do and but little time to do it in.

The Prince. Of course, my dear Marshal, of course. They're making things warm for you, aren't they, in the direction of Arras? I was saying to myself only this morning, "How annoying for that poor old HINDENBURG to have his masterly retreat interrupted by those atrocious English, and to lose thirteen thousand prisoners and one hundred-and-sixty guns, and I don't know how many killed and wounded. Where's his wall of steel now, poor old fellow, and his patent plan for luring the enemy on?" That's what I said to myself, and now that we have met I feel that I must offer you my condolences. I know what it is, though of course it wasn't my fault that we failed to bring it off against the French at Verdun....