BLANCHE'S LETTERS. SOCIETY "WAR-WORKERS." DEAREST DAPHNE,—The scarcity of paper isn't altogether an unmixed misfortune, as far as one's correspondence is concerned. Letters that don't matter, letters from the insignificant and the boresome, simply aren't answered. For small spur-of-the-moment notes to one's intimes who're not too far off, there's quite... more...

THE MUD LARKS. THE French are a great people; the more I see of them the more I admire them, and I have been seeing a lot of them lately. I seem to have spent the last week eating six-course dinners in cellars with grizzled sky-blue colonels, endeavouring to reply to their charming compliments in a mixture of Gaelic and CORNELIUS NEPOS. I myself had no intention of babbling these jargons; it is the... more...

HEART-TO-HEART TALKS. (The GERMAN CROWN PRINCE and Marshal HINDENBURG). Hindenburg. So your Royal Highness proposes to leave us again? The Prince.Yes, Marshal, I'm going to leave you for a short time. I have made arrangements which will render my absence from the Front as little disadvantageous as may be possible. My orders have been carefully drawn up so as to provide for every contingency, and I... more...

A FAREWELL TOUR. This is positively Chum's last appearance in print—for his own sake no less than for yours. He is conceited enough as it is, but if once he got to know that people are always writing about him in the papers his swagger would be unbearable. However, I have said good-bye to him now; I have no longer any rights in him. Yesterday I saw him off to his new home, and when we meet again... more...

THE NEW JOURNAL-INSURANCE. [Several newspapers have been roused to a sense of their duties to their readers by the insurance competition between The Chronicle and The Mail. We make a few preliminary announcements of other insurance schemes which are not yet contemplated.] VOTES FOR WOMEN.—A copy of the current issue nailed to your front door insures you absolutely against arson. THE STAR.—All... more...

A PLAY OF FEATURES. [Being Sir GEORGE ALEXANDER'S production of The Attack at the St. James's.] SCENE—Alexandre Mérital's house. ACT I. Daniel Mérital. My father is a wonderful man. Leader of the Social Party in the Chamber of Deputies, noted among his colleagues for his absolute integrity, supported by the millionaire newspaper proprietor, Frépeau, whose motives, between ourselves,... more...

THE SCHOOL FOR PATRIOTISM. [A Fund has been raised to supply the School Board with Union-Jacks, with a view to increasing the loyalty of the pupils.—Daily Paper.]Scene—A Room of the School Board, decorated with flags and trophies of arms.Teacherdiscovered instructing his pupils in English History. Teacher. And now we come to the Battle of Trafalgar, which was won by Nelson in the early part of the... more...

HEARING HIMSELF. (Mysterious Mem. from a Hawarden Note-Book.) Exceedingly kind and flattering of MAX MÜLLER! "I hope there are but few here present who have never enjoyed the privilege of listening to Mr. GLADSTONE." Ha! ha! He little thought there was one there who had not "enjoyed that privilege." Have enjoyed most privileges in my time, but never that of "hearing myself as... more...

WHY I DON'T WRITE PLAYS. (From the Common-place Book of a Novelist.) Because it is so much pleasanter to read one's work than to hear it on the Stage. Because Publishers are far more amiable to deal with than Actor-Managers. Because "behind the scenes" is such a disappointing place—except in Novels. Because why waste three weeks on writing a Play, when it takes only three years to... more...

NOT GOING AWAY FOR THE HOLIDAYS. Cookson Gaze, Q.C. Because MARIA votes Eastbourne vulgar, and the girls (sorry now I sent them to that finishing-school at Clapham) laugh so consumedly whenever I open my mouth to address a native if we go to Trouville or Dinard. C. Jumper. Because the Governor thinks three days in the year enough for anybody. Eastend Dr. Because that fiver will just give little SALLY... more...