THE MUD LARKS. THE French are a great people; the more I see of them the more I admire them, and I have been seeing a lot of them lately. I seem to have spent the last week eating six-course dinners in cellars with grizzled sky-blue colonels, endeavouring to reply to their charming compliments in a mixture of Gaelic and CORNELIUS NEPOS. I myself had no intention of babbling these jargons; it is the... more...

BLANCHE'S LETTERS. SOCIETY "WAR-WORKERS." DEAREST DAPHNE,—The scarcity of paper isn't altogether an unmixed misfortune, as far as one's correspondence is concerned. Letters that don't matter, letters from the insignificant and the boresome, simply aren't answered. For small spur-of-the-moment notes to one's intimes who're not too far off, there's quite... more...

HOT WEATHER CORRESPONDENCE. (In the manner of various contemporaries.) ANIMAL LABOUR. Corelli Parade, Stratford-on-Avon. DEAR SIR,—I seem to have read somewhere of the extreme sagacity and intelligence shown by the baboons of South Africa, some of whom, as well as I remember, are employed as porters and, I think, station-masters on the railways in the interior of Cape Colony. My gardener and coachman... more...

A SHORT WAY WITH SUBMARINES. "A short way with submarines?" said Bill; "oh, yes, we've got one all right; but," he added regretfully, "I don't know as I'm at liberty to tell you. Wot I'm thinkin' about is this 'ere Defence o' the Realm Act—see? Why, there was a feller I knew got ten days' cells for just tellin' a young woman where... more...

TO THE GERMAN MILITARY PICTURE DEPARTMENT.[The enemy, in his turn, is exhibiting a film of the fighting on the Somme. At the close a statement is thrown upon the screen to the effect that the Germans have "reached the appointed goal."]On footer fields two goals are situated, One, as a rule, at either end: This for attack (in front) is indicated, And this (to rearward) you defend; In your remark... more...

THE MUD-LARKS. Our mess was situated on the crest of a ridge, and enjoyed an uninterrupted view of rolling leagues of mud; it had the appearance of a packing-case floating on an ocean of ooze. We and our servants, and our rats and our cockroaches, and our other bosom-companions slept in tents pitched round and about the mess. The whole camp was connected with the outer world by a pathway of ammunition... more...

THE BROKEN SOLDIERS. "Now," I suggested as we left the drapery department, "you've got as much as you can carry." Unfortunately it was impossible to relieve her of the parcels as I had all my work cut out to manipulate those confounded crutches. "There's only the toy department," returned Pamela, leading the way with her armful of packages. "I do hope you're... more...

A NATIONAL SKY-SCRAPER. I have been often asked why the Government, foreseeing the inevitable increase of Departments, had not the elementary imagination to build a colossal sky-scraper to accommodate them all. The objections to such an act of apparently obvious intelligence may be briefly enumerated. (1) With such a landmark whoever had business to conduct with a Government Department would know where... more...

A PROPER PROPORTION. (An Interview with Mr. H.G. WELLS). I found the Sage, as I had expected, in his study at Omniscience Lodge. There he sat in his new suit of Britlings, surrounded by novels and stories in MS. dealing with every aspect of human affairs, sixty of the more important being specifically devoted to the War and the various ways in which it might conceivably terminate. I modestly approached... more...

HEART-TO-HEART TALKS. (The PRESIDENT of the United States and Mr. GERARD.) The President. Here you are then at last, my dear Mr. GERARD. I am afraid you have had a long and uncomfortable journey. Mr. Gerard. Don't say a word about that, Mr. President. It's all in the day's work, and, anyhow, it's an immense pleasure to be back in one's own country. The President. Yes, I can... more...