Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 152, February 21, 1917

Excerpt

HEART-TO-HEART TALKS.

(The PRESIDENT of the United States and Mr. GERARD.)

The President. Here you are then at last, my dear Mr. GERARD. I am afraid you have had a long and uncomfortable journey.

Mr. Gerard. Don't say a word about that, Mr. President. It's all in the day's work, and, anyhow, it's an immense pleasure to be back in one's own country.

The President. Yes, I can well believe that. Living amongst Germans at this time can be no satisfaction to an American citizen.

Mr. G. No, indeed, Mr. President; you never said a truer word than that in your life. The fact is the Germans have all gone mad with self-esteem, and are convinced that every criticism of their actions must have its foundations in envy and malignity. And yet they feel bitterly, too, that, in spite of their successes here and there, the War on the whole has been an enormous disappointment for them, and that the longer it continues the worse their position becomes. The mixture of these feelings makes them grossly arrogant and sensitive to the last degree, and reasonable intercourse with them becomes impossible. No, Mr. President, they are not pleasant people to live amongst at this moment, and right glad am I to be away from them.

The President. And as to their submarine warfare, do they realise that we shall hold them to what they have promised, and that if they persist in their policy of murder there must be war between them and us?

Mr. G. The certainty that you mean what you say has but little effect on them. They argue in this way: Germany is in difficulties; the submarine weapon is the only one that will help Germany, therefore Germany must use that weapon ruthlessly and hack through with it, whatever may be urged on behalf of international law or humanity at large. Humanity doesn't count in the German mind because humanity doesn't wear a German uniform or look upon the KAISER as absolutely infallible. Down, therefore, with humanity and, incidentally, with America and all the smaller neutrals who may be disposed to follow her lead.

The President. So you think patience, moderation and reasonable argument are all useless?

Mr. G. See here, Mr. President, this is how the matter stands. They imagine they can ruin England with their submarines—they 're probably wrong, but that's their notion—but if they give way to America this illegitimate weapon is blunted and they lose the war. Sooner than suffer that catastrophe they will defy America. And they don't believe as yet that America means what she says and is determined to fight rather than suffer these outrages to continue. The Germans will try to throw dust in your eyes, Mr. President, while continuing the submarine atrocities.

The President. The Germans will soon be undeceived. We will not suffer this wrong, and we will fight, if need be, in order to prevent it. God knows we have striven to keep the peace through months and years of racking anxiety. If war comes it is not we who have sought it. Nobody can lay that reproach upon us. Rather have we striven by all honourable means to avoid it....