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Various
THE IDENTIFICATION OF HOBBS. Old Hobbs, the gardener, has been in our family longer than I have. Although we live within twenty miles of London only once has he made the journey to the great city, for that one memorable day so nearly ended in disaster that he always speaks of it with a shudder. Indeed, but for the arrival of Mrs. Hobbs, belated, flustered and inquiring everywhere for her man, he must...
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Owen Seaman
April 28, 1920. General Denikin is now in London. This is the first visit he has paid to this country since his last assassination by the Bolshevists. New proposals regarding telephone charges are expected as soon as the Select Committee has reported. If the system of charging by time in place of piece-work is adopted it will mean ruination to many business-men. The Swiss Government has issued orders...
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Owen Seaman
MAY 5, 1920. We understand that Lord Fisher, who is reported to have taken a week off to say what he thought about the Budget, has asked for an extension of time. Germany has decided to abolish gradually all titles of nobility. They will disappear Von by Von. Six hundred Irish emigrants left for New York last Wednesday on board the Celtic. All, we understand, were advised before leaving that the price...
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Owen Seaman
May 12th, 1920. We are pleased to note that the King’s yacht Britannia is about again after being laid up since August, 1914. Smoking and chatting periods have been introduced in some Massachusetts factories. Extremists in this country complain that, while this system may be all right, there is just the danger that working periods might also be introduced. We are pleased to report that the eclipse of...
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Owen Seaman
CHARIVARIA. A Swedish scientist has invented a new building material called sylvenselosit. It is said to cost one-fifth the price of the building material in use in this country, which is known to the trade as wishyumagetit. A folding motor-car is said to have been invented which has a greater speed than any other car. The next thing that requires inventing is a folding pedestrian to cope with it....
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Owen Seaman
June 16, 1920 "The Bolshevists," says a gossip writer, "do not always rob Peter to pay Paul." No, they sometimes just rob Peter. A Yarmouth report anticipates a shortage of herrings. It is said that the Prime Minister has a couple of second-hand red ones for disposal which have only been drawn across the path once or twice. "One of the Kaiser's mugs," says a news item,...
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Owen Seaman
June 23, 1920 Kieff has been retaken by the Bolshevists. It looks as if the Poles will have to win the place three times in succession before it becomes their own property. Annoyed by a small boy who was sucking sweets and laughing a parson recently stopped in the middle of his sermon and refused to go on with it. We are informed that the boy in question has since received several tempting offers from...
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Owen Seaman
June 9, 1920. Owing to heavy storms the other day one thousand London telephones were thrown out of order. Very few subscribers noticed the difference. A camera capable of photographing the most rapid moving objects in the world is the latest invention of an American. There is some talk of his trying to photograph a bricklayer whizzing along at his work. "Perjury is now rampant in all our Courts...
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Various
CHARIVARIA. Bohemia has decided to have a Coalition Government. Several London morning papers are prepared to offer them one in good going condition, providing they pay cost of transit. According to a contemporary, "rabbits are worth less when they are skinned by the shopkeeper." So is the customer. "It is of greater advantage to know the Welsh language," says Professor Trow, "than...
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Various
A CRIMINAL TYPE. To-day I am MAKing aN inno6£vation. as you mayalready have gessed, I am typlng this article myself Zz½lnstead of writing it, The idea is to save time and exvBKpense, also to demonstyap demonBTrike= =damn, to demonstratO that I can type /ust as well as any blessedgirl 1f I give my mInd to iT"" Typlng while you compose is realy extraoraordinarrily easy, though composing...
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