The Rocket Book

Excerpt

THE BASEMENT

When Fritz, the Janitor's bad kid,

Went snooping in the basement,

He found a rocket snugly hid

Beneath the window casement.

He struck a match with one fell swoop;

Then, on the concrete kneeling,

He lit the rocket and—she—oop!

It shot up through the ceiling.

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The Steiners on the floor above

Of breakfast were partaking;

Crash! came the rocket, unannounced,

And set them all a-quaking!

It smote a catsup bottle, fair,

And bang! the thing exploded!

And now these people all declare

That catsup flask was loaded.

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SECOND FLAT

Before the fire old Grandpa Hopp

Dozed in his arm-chair big,

When from a trunk the rocket burst

And carried off his wig!

It passed so near his ancient head

He roused up with a start,

And, turning to his grandsons, said,

"You fellows think you're smart!"

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Algernon Bracket, somewhat rash,

Had blown a monster bubble,

When, oh! there came a blinding flash,

Precipitating trouble!

But Algy turned in mild disgust,

And called to Mama Bracket,

"Say, did you hear that bubble bu'st?

It made an awful racket!"

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FOURTH FLAT

Jo Budd, who'd bought a potted plant,

Was dousing it with water.

He fancied this would make it grow,

And Joseph loved to potter.

Then through the pot the rocket shot

And made the scene look sickly!

"Well, now," said Jo, "I never thought

That plant would shoot so quickly!"

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Right here 'tis needful to remark

That Dick and "Little Son"

Were playing with a Noah's ark

And having loads of fun,

When all at once that rocket, stout,

Up through the ark came blazing!

The animals were tossed about

And did some stunts amazing.

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SIXTH FLAT

A Burglar on the next floor up

The sideboard was exploring.

(The family, with the brindled pup,

Were still asleep and snoring.)

Just then, up through the silverware

The rocket thundered, flaring!

The Burglar got a dreadful scare;

Then out the door went tearing.

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Miss Mamie Briggs with no mean skill

Was playing "Casey's Fling"

To please her cousin, Amos Gill,

Who liked that sort of thing,

When suddenly the rocket, hot,

The old piano jumbled!

It stopped that rag-time like a shot,

Then through the ceiling rumbled.

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EIGHTH FLAT

Up through the next floor on its way

That rocket, dread, went tearing

Where Winkle stood in bath-robe, gay,

A tepid bath preparing.

The tub it punctured like a shot

And made a mighty splashing.

The man was rooted to the spot;

Then out the door went dashing.

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Bob Brooks was puffing very hard

His football to inflate,

While round him stood his faithful guard,

And they could hardly wait.

Then came the rocket, fierce and bright,

And through the football rumbled.

"You've got a pair of lungs, all right!"

His staring playmates grumbled.

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TENTH FLAT

The family dog, with frenzied mien,

Was chasing Fluff, the mouser,

When, poof!...