Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 159, 1920-11-17

Excerpt

November 17th, 1920.

It is rumoured that a gentleman who purchased a miniature two-seater car at the Motor Show last week arrived home one night to find the cat playing with it on the mat.

It appears that nothing definite has yet been decided as to whether The Daily Mail will publish a Continental edition of the Sandringham Hat.

The matter having passed out of the hands of D.O.R.A., the Westminster City Council recommend the abolition of the practice of whistling for cabs at night. Nothing is said about the custom of making a noise like a five-shilling tip.

We shall not be surprised if Mr. Austen Chamberlain becomes the Viceroy of India, says a gossip-writer. We warn our contemporary against being elated, for it is almost certain that another Chancellor of the Exchequer would be appointed in his place.

During the Lord Mayor's Show last week we understand that the Lord Mayor's coachman was accompanied by the Lord Mayor.

The licensee of a West Ham public-house has just purchased a parrot which is trained to imitate the bagpipes. The bird's life will of course be insured.

Ireland will have to be careful or she will be made safe for democracy, like the other countries.

Upon hearing that Mr. William Brace had accepted a Government appointment several members of the Labour Party said that this only confirmed their contention that his moustache would get him into trouble one day.

Mrs. Stackpool O'Dell warns girls against marrying a man whose head is flat at the back. The best course is to get one with a round head; after marriage it can be flattened to taste.

A man who persistently refused to give any information about himself was remanded at the Guildhall last week. He is thought to be a British taxpayer going about incognito.

The cackle of a hen when she lays an egg, says a scientist, is akin to laughter. And with some of the eggs we have met we can easily guess what the hen was laughing at.

The National Collection of Microbes at the Lister Institute now contains eight hundred different specimens. Visitors are requested not to tease the germs or go too near their cages.

A large spot on the sun has been seen by the meteorological experts at Greenwich Observatory. We understand that it will be allowed to remain.

Mr. Raymond Forsdik, of Chicago, states that twelve times more murders are committed in Chicago than in London. But, under Prohibition, Satan is bound to find mischief for idle hands.

Canon F. J. Meyrick, of Norwich, is reported to have caught a pike weighing twenty-five pounds. In view of the angler's profession we suppose we must believe this one.

A curate of Bedford Park has had his bicycle stolen from the church, and as there were a number of people in the congregation it is difficult to know whom to blame.

"Shall Onkie Live?" asks a Daily Mail headline. We don't know who he is, but he certainly has our permission. We cannot, however, answer for Mr. Bob Williams.

With reference to the complaint that a City man made about his telephone, we are pleased to say that a great improvement is reported....