CHARIVARIA. Lord Riddell, in giving his impression of President Wilson, says that his trousers and boots were not in keeping with the smartness of his appearance above the table. This is where the trained habits of journalistic observation come in. In answer to many inquiries we are unable to obtain confirmation of a rumour that Mr. Charlie Chaplin's contemplated retirement is connected with an... more...

December 22nd, 1920. CHARIVARIA. It is pointed out that the display of December meteors is more than usually lavish. Send a postcard to your M.P. about it. Mr. Lloyd George recently stated that the first prize he ever won was for singing. It is only fair to say that this happened in the pre-Northcliffe era. An elderly Londoner recalls a Christmas when the cold was so intense that in a Soho restaurant... more...

THE SUPERFECTION LAUNDRY. I let myself into my flat to find a young woman sitting on one of those comfortless chairs designed by upholsterers for persons of second quality who are bidden to wait in the hall. "You want to see me?" I inquired. "Yes; what is it?" "I have called, Madam, to ask if you are satisfied with your laundry." "Far from it," I said. "It is kind of... more...

May 27, 1914. We hear that the news of the defeat of Messrs. Travers, Evans ("Chick") and Ouimet in the Amateur Golf Championship was received by President Huerta's troops with round upon round of cheering. Frankly, we think it rather petty of them. The statement in The Daily Mail to the effect that about two million pounds have been sunk in the new German liner Vaterland is apt to be... more...

HEART-TO-HEART TALKS. (The Kaiser and Count Bernstorff.) The Kaiser (concluding a tirade). And so, in spite of my superhuman forbearance, this is what it has come to. Germany is smacked in the face in view of the whole world—yes, I repeat it, is smacked in the face, and by a nation which is not a nation at all, but a sweeping together of the worst elements in all the other nations, a country whose... more...

SEPTEMBER 2, 1914. Reports still continue to come in as to the outbursts of rage which took place in Germany when the news of our participation in the War reached that country. Seeing that we had merely been asked to allow our friends to be robbed and murdered, our interference is looked upon as peculiarly gratuitous. We hear, by the way, that the Germans, who hold Kiao-chau on a long lease, appealed... more...

CHARIVARIA. According to The Evening News, lambs have already put in an appearance in Dorset. People who expect the Poet Laureate to rush to the spot will be bitterly disappointed. "What was a golden eagle doing in Lincolnshire?" asks "L.G.M." in The Daily Mail. We never answer these personal questions. The Public Libraries Committee of West Ham has declined to purchase The... more...

CHARIVARIA. Portugal is now officially at war with Germany, and the dogs of frightfulness are already toasting "der Tagus." At first the report that Enver Pasha had gone to pay a visit to the tomb of the Prophet at Medina caused a feeling of profound depression in Constantinople; but it is now recognised that there was no other course open to him, as Mahomet was not in a position to visit the... more...

December 30, 1914. Abdul the D—d is said to feel it keenly that, when the British decided to appoint a Sultan in Egypt, they did not remember that he was out of a job. Meanwhile Abbas Pasha is reported to have had a presentiment that he would one day be replaced by Kamel Pasha. is said that for some time past he would start nervously whenever he heard the band of a Highland regiment playing "The... more...

THE MINERS' OPERA. About a week ago, when they took Titterby away to the large red-brick establishment which he now adorns, certain papers which were left lying in his study passed into my hands, for I was almost his only friend. It had long been Titterby's belief that a great future lay before the librettist who should produce topical light operas on the Gilbert and Sullivan model, dealing... more...