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A Book of Nonsense

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There was an Old Man with a nose,Who said, "If you choose to supposeThat my nose is too long, you are certainly wrong!"That remarkable Man with a nose.

There was a Young Person of Smyrna,Whose Grandmother threatened to burn her;But she seized on the Cat, and said, "Granny, burn that!You incongruous Old Woman of Smyrna!"

There was an Old Man on a hill,Who seldom, if ever, stood still;He ran up and down in his Grandmother's gown,Which adorned that Old Man on a hill.

There was an Old Person of Chili,Whose conduct was painful and silly;He sate on the stairs, eating apples and pears,That imprudent Old Person of Chili.

There was an Old Man with a gong,Who bumped at it all the day long;But they called out, "Oh, law! you're a horrid old bore!"So they smashed that Old Man with a gong.

There was an Old Man of Kilkenny,Who never had more than a penny;He spent all that money in onions and honey,That wayward Old Man of Kilkenny.

There was an Old Man of Columbia,Who was thirsty, and called out for some beer;But they brought it quite hot, in a small copper pot,Which disgusted that man of Columbia.

There was an Old Man in a tree,Who was horribly bored by a Bee;When they said, "Does it buzz?" he replied, "Yes, it does!It's a regular brute of a Bee."

There was an Old Lady of Chertsey,Who made a remarkable curtsey;She twirled round and round, till she sank underground,Which distressed all the people of Chertsey.

There was a Young Lady whose chinResembled the point of a pin;So she had it made sharp, and purchased a harp,And played several tunes with her chin.

There was an Old Man with a flute,—A "sarpint" ran into his boot!But he played day and night, till the "sarpint" took flight,And avoided that Man with a flute.

There was a Young Lady of Portugal,Whose ideas were excessively nautical;She climbed up a tree to examine the sea,But declared she would never leave Portugal.

There was an Old Person of Ischia,Whose conduct grew friskier and friskier;He danced hornpipes and jigs, and ate thousands of figs,That lively Old Person of Ischia

There was an Old Man of Vienna,Who lived upon Tincture of Senna;When that did not agree, he took Camomile Tea,That nasty Old Man of Vienna.

There was an Old Man in a boat,Who said, "I'm afloat! I'm afloat!"When they said, "No, you ain't!" he was ready to faint,That unhappy Old Man in a boat.

There was an Old Person of Buda,Whose conduct grew ruder and ruder,Till at last with a hammer they silenced his clamor.By smashing that Person of Buda.

There was an Old Man of Moldavia,Who had the most curious behavior;For while he was able, he slept on a table,That funny Old Man of Moldavia.

There was an Old Person of Hurst,Who drank when he was not athirst;When they said, "You'll grow fatter!" he answered "What matter?"That globular Person of Hurst.

There was an Old Man of Madras,Who rode on a cream-colored Ass;But the length of its ears so promoted his fears,That it killed that Old Man of Madras.

There was an Old Person of Dover,Who rushed through a field of blue clover;But some very large Bees stung his nose and his knees,So he very soon went back to Dover.