The Pleasures of a Single Life, Or, The Miseries of Matrimony

Excerpt

Wedlock, oh! Curs'd uncomfortable State,
Cause of my Woes, and Object of my hate.
How bless'd was I? Ah, once how happy me?
When I from those uneasie Bonds were free;
How calm my Joys? How peaceful was my Breast,
Till with thy fatal Cares too soon opprest,
The World seem'd Paradice, so bless'd the Soil
Wherein I liv'd, that Business was no Toil;
Life was a Comfort, which produc'd each day
New Joys, that still preserv'd me from decay,
Thus Heav'n first launch'd me into pacifick Seas,
Where free from Storms I mov'd with gentle Breeze;
My Sails proportion'd, and my Vessell tite, }
Coasting in Pleasures-Bay I steer'd aright, }
Pallac'd with true Content, and fraighted with delight }

Books my Companions were wherein I found
Needful Advice, without a noisy Sound,
But was with friendly pleasing silence taught,
Wisdom's best Rules, to fructify my Thought,
Rais'd up our Sage Fore-fathers from the dead, }
And when I pleas'd, invok'd them to my Aid, }
Who at my Study-Bar without a Fee would plead: }
Whilst I Chief Justice sat, heard all their Sutes,
And gave my Judgment on their learn'd Disputes;
Strove to determine ev'ry Cause aright,
And for my Pains found Profit and Delight,
Free from Partiality; I fear'd no blame,
Desir'd no Brib'ry, and deserv'd no Shame,
But like an upright Judge, grudg'd no Expence
Of time, to fathom Truth with Diligence,
Reading by Day, Contemplating by Night,
Till Conscience told me that I judg'd aright,
Then to my Paper-World I'd have recourse,
And by my Maps run o'er the Universe;
Sail round the Globe, and touch at every Port,
Survey those Shoars where Men untam'd resort,
View the old Regions where the Persian Lord
Taught Wooden Deities first to be Ador'd,
Ensnar'd at last to Sacrifice his Life
To the base Pride of an Adult'rous Wife,
And where the Grecian Youth to Arms inur'd. }
The hungry Soil with Persian Blood manur'd, }
Where bold Busephilus brutal Conduct show'd, }
The force of monstrous Elephants withstood,
And with his Rider waded through a purple Flood.

Then would I next the Roman Field survey,
Where brave Fabricius with his Army lay;
Fam'd for his Valour, from Corruption free,
Made up of Courage and Humility.
That when Encamp'd the good Man lowly bent,
Cook'd his own Cabbage in his homely Tent:
And when the Samaites sent a Golden Sum,
To tempt him to betray his Country Rome,
The Dross he scoffingly return'd untold, }
And answer'd with a Look serenely bold, }
That Roman Sprouts would boil without their Grecian Gold: }
Then eat his Cale-worts for his Meal design'd,
And beat the Grecian Army when he'd din'd.

Thus wou'd I range the World from Pole to Pole;
To encrease my Knowledge, and delight my Soul;
Travel all Nations and inform my Sence;
With ease and safety, at a small Expence:
No Storms to plough, no Passengers Sums to pay,
No Horse to hire, or Guide to show the way,
No Alps to clime, no Desarts here to pass,
No Ambuscades, no Thief to give me chase;
No Bear to dread, or rav'nous Wolf to fight,
No Flies to sting, no Rattle-Snakes to bite;
No Floods to ford, no Hurricans to fear;
No dreadful Thunder to surprize the Ear;
No Winds to freeze, no Sun to scorch or fry,
No Thirst, or Hunger, and Relief not nigh.
All these Fatiegues and Mischiefs could I shun; }
Rest when I pleas'd, and when I please Jog on, }
And travel through both Indies in an Afternoon. }

When the Day thus far pleasingly was spent,
And every Hour admin'stred Content,
Then would I range the Fields, and flow'ry Meads,
Where Nature her exub'rant Bounty spreads,
In whose delightful Products does appear
Inimitable Beauty ev'ry where;
Contemplate on each Plant, and useful Weed,
And how its Form first lay involved in Seed,
How they're preserv'd by Providential Care,
For what design'd, and what their Virtues are....