The London-Bawd: With Her Character and Life Discovering the Various and Subtle Intrigues of Lewd Women

Excerpt

CHAP. I.

Her Character: Or what she is.

A BAWD

Is the Refuse of an Old Whore, who having been burnt herself, does like Charcoal help to set greener Wood on Fire; She is one of Natures Errata's, and a true Daughter of Eve, who having first undone herself, tempts others to the same Destruction. She has formerly been one of Sampson's Foxes, and has carried so much fire in her Tail, as has burnt all those that have had to do with her: But the mark being out of her Mouth, and she grown past her own Labour, yet being a well-wisher to the Mathematicks, she sets up for a Procurer of fresh Goods for her old Customers. And so careful she is to help Men to good Ware, that she seldom puts a Comodity into their hands, but what has been try'd before; and having always prov'd well, thinks she can Warrant 'em the better. She's a great Preserver of Maiden-heads; for tho' she Exposes 'em to every new Comer, she takes care that they shall never be lost: And tho' never so many get it, yet none carries it away, but she still has it ready for the next Customers. She thinks no Oracle like that of Fryar Bacon's brazen-Head, and is very forward to tell you that Time Was when the best Gentlemen wou'd have prefer'd her before any Lady in the Land: But when She repeats Time's Past, She makes a Wicked Brazen Face, and even weeps in the Cup, to allay the Heat of her Brandy. She's a great Enemy to all Enclosures, for whatever she has, she makes it common. She hates Forty One as much as an old Cavalier, for at that Age she was forc'd to leave off Whoring and turn Bawd: Her Teeth are all fallen out; at which her Nose and her Chin are so much concern'd, that they intend to meet about it in a little time, and make up the difference. She's the most like a Medlar of any thing, for she's never ripe till she's rotten. She is never without store of Hackney Jades, which she will let any one Ride, that will pay for their hire. She is the very Magazine of Taciturnity; for whatever she sees, she says nothing; it being a standing Maxim with her, That they that cannot make Sport, shou'd spoil none. She has Learnt so much Philosophy as to know that the Moon is a dark-Body, which makes her like it much better then the Sun, being more Suitable for her Business: Besides she's still changing Quarters, now Waxing and then Waining, like her: Sometimes i'th' Full, and flush'd with store of Customers; and at another time i'th' Wane, and beating Hemp in Bridewel. She has been formerly a Pretender to Musick, which makes her such a great Practitioner in Pick-Song, but She is most expert at a Horn-Pipe. She understands Means a little, but Trebles very well, and is her self a perfect Base. Tho' she lives after the Flesh, yet all is Fish that comes to her Net: For she is such a cunning Angler, that she don't fear getting her Living by Hook or by Crook. She has Baits ready for all Fish, and seldom fails to catch some: Of a Countrey-Gentleman she makes a Cods-head; and of a rich Citizens Son a Gudgeon; a Swordsman in Scarlet, she takes for Lobster; and a severe Justice of Peace, she looks on as a Crab: Her Poor Customers, are like Sprats, and Pilchards, who are more considerable for their number than they are for their Value; whilst the Punk is her Salt Eel, and the Pander her Shark and her Swordfish....