School for Scandal

Excerpt

SCENE I.—The Library

Enter SURFACE and SERVANT

SURFACE. Mr. Stanley! and why should you think I would see him?— you must know he came to ask something!

SERVANT. Sir—I shouldn't have let him in but that Mr. Rowley came to the Door with him.

SURFACE. Pshaw!—Blockhead to suppose that I should now be in a Temper to receive visits from poor Relations!—well why don't you show the Fellow up?

SERVANT. I will—Sir—Why, Sir—it was not my Fault that Sir Peter discover'd my Lady——

SURFACE. Go, fool!— [Exit SERVANT.] Sure Fortune never play'd a man of my policy such a Trick before— my character with Sir Peter!—my Hopes with Maria!—destroy'd in a moment!—I'm in a rare Humour to listen to other People's Distresses!—I shan't be able to bestow even a benevolent sentiment on Stanley—So! here—He comes and Rowley with him—I MUST try to recover myself, and put a little Charity into my Face however.—— [Exit.]

Enter SIR OLIVER and ROWLEY

SIR OLIVER. What! does He avoid us? that was He—was it not?

ROWLEY. It was Sir—but I doubt you are come a little too abruptly— his Nerves are so weak that the sight of a poor Relation may be too much for him—I should have gone first to break you to him.

SIR OLIVER. A Plague of his Nerves—yet this is He whom Sir Peter extolls as a Man of the most Benevolent way of thinking!—

ROWLEY. As to his way of thinking—I can't pretend to decide[,] for, to do him justice He appears to have as much speculative Benevolence as any private Gentleman in the Kingdom—though he is seldom so sensual as to indulge himself in the exercise of it——

SIR OLIVER. Yet [he] has a string of charitable Sentiments I suppose at his Fingers' ends!—

ROWLEY. Or, rather at his Tongue's end Sir Oliver; for I believe there is no sentiment he has more faith in than that 'Charity begins at Home.'

SIR OLIVER. And his I presume is of that domestic sort which never stirs abroad at all.

ROWLEY. I doubt you'll find it so—but He's coming—I mustn't seem to interrupt you—and you know immediately—as you leave him—I come in to announce—your arrival in your real Character.

SIR OLIVER. True—and afterwards you'll meet me at Sir Peter's——

ROWLEY. Without losing a moment.
     [Exit.]

SIR OLIVER. So—I see he has premeditated a Denial by the
Complaisance of his Features.

Enter SURFACE

SURFACE. Sir—I beg you ten thousand Pardons for keeping— you a moment waiting—Mr. Stanley—I presume——

SIR OLIVER. At your Service.

SURFACE. Sir—I beg you will do me the honour to sit down—
I entreat you Sir.

SIR OLIVER. Dear Sir there's no occasion—too civil by half!

SURFACE. I have not the Pleasure of knowing you, Mr. Stanley— but I am extremely happy to see you look so well—you were nearly related to my mother—I think Mr. Stanley——

SIR OLIVER. I was Sir—so nearly that my present Poverty I fear may do discredit to her Wealthy Children—else I should not have presumed to trouble you.—

SURFACE. Dear Sir—there needs no apology—He that is in Distress tho' a stranger has a right to claim kindred with the wealthy— I am sure I wish I was of that class, and had it in my power to offer you even a small relief....