Rubaiyat of Doc Sifers

Excerpt

Ef you don't knowDoc SifersI'll jes argy, here and now,
You've bin a mighty little while about here, anyhow!
'Cause Doc he's rid these roads and woods—erswum'em, now and then—
And practised in this neighberhood sence hain't no tellin' when!

II

In radius o' fifteen mile'd, all p'ints o' compass round,
No man er woman, chick er child, er team, on top o' ground,
But knowshim—yes, and got respects and likin' fer him, too,
Fer all his so-to-speak dee-fects o' genius showin' through!
Some claims he's absent-minded; some has said they wuz afeard
To take his powders when he come and dosed 'em out, and 'peared
To have his mind on somepin' else—like County Ditch, er some
New way o' tannin' mussrat-pelts, er makin' butter come.

IV

He's cur'ous—they hain't no mistake about it!—but he's got
Enough o' extry brains to make ajury—like as not.
They's nodescribin'Sifers,—fer, when all is said and done,
He's jeshisse'f Doc Sifers—ner they hain't no other one!
Doc's allus sociable, polite, and 'greeable, you'll find—
Pervidin' ef you strike him right and nothin' on his mind,—
Like in somehurry, when they've sent fer Sifersquick, you see,
To 'tend some sawmill-accident, er picnic jamboree;

VI

Er when the lightnin' 's struck some hare-brained harvest-hand; er in
Some 'tempt o' suicidin'—where they'd ort to try ag'in!
I'veknowedDoc haul up from a trot and talk a' hour er two
When railly he'd a-ort o' not a-stopped fer "Howdy-do!"
And then, I've met him 'long the road,a-lopin',—starin' straight
Ahead,—and yit he never knowed me when I hollered "Yate,
Old Saddlebags!" all hearty-like, er "Who you goin' to kill?"
And he'd say nothin'—only hike on faster, starin' still!

VIII

I'd bin insulted, many a time, ef I jes wuzn't shore
Doc didn't mean a thing. And I'm not tetchy any more
Sence that-air day, ef he'd a-jes a-stopped to jaw withme,
They'd bin a little dorter less in my own fambily!
Timesnow, at home, when Sifers' name comes up, I jeslet on,
You know, 'at I think Doc's toblame, the way he's bin and gone
And disapp'inted folks—'Ll-jee-mun-nee! you'd ort to then
Jes hear my wife light into me—"ongratefulest o' men!"

X

'Mongstallthe women—mild er rough, splendifferous er plain,
Er themwithsense, er not enough to come in out the rain,—
Jes ever' shape and build and style o' women, fat er slim—
They all like Doc, and got a smile and pleasant word ferhim!
Ner hain't no horse I've ever saw but what'll neigh and try
To sidle up to him, and paw, and sense him, ear-and-eye:
Then jes a tetch o' Doc's old pa'm, to pat 'em, er to shove
Along their nose—and they're as ca'm as any cooin' dove!

XII

And same withdogs,—take any breed, er strain, er pedigree,
Er racial caste 'at can't concede no use fer you er me,—
They'll putt all predju-dice aside inDoc'scase and go in
Kahoots with him, as satisfied as he wuz kith-and-kin!
And Doc's a wonder, trainin' pets!—He's got a chicken-hawk,
In kind o' half-cage, where he sets out in the gyarden-walk,
And got that wild bird trained so tame, he'll loose him, and he'll fly
Clean to the woods!—Doc calls his name—and he'll come, by-and-by!
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