Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 100, March 28, 1891

Excerpt

BAR BARRED!

SCENE—A Parliamentary Committee Room. Committee sitting at horse-shoe table. Bar crowded at table covered with plans, custards, buns, agreements, and ginger-beer. Huge plans hanging to walls. View in distance of St. Thomas's Hospital. East-West Diddlesex Railway Extension Bill under consideration. Expert Witness standing at reading-desk under examination.

Junior Counsel (for Promoters). You have told us that there is a cutting at Burnt House Mill, coloured red in plan—in your opinion do you think that the road passing; by Hoggsborough, coloured green, could be so diverted as to avoid the necessity of throwing a bridge over the River Crowe, coloured yellow?

Expert Witness (with great deliberation, and illustrating his remarks by references to a large plan). In my opinion I think the necessity of building a bridge over the River Crowe may be avoided by skirting the Swashbuckler Estate, and by making a new road that would cross the proposed line by a level crossing at Twaddlecomb, and ultimately reach Market Goosebury, coloured blue, by following the course of the Raisensworth, coloured black.

Junior Counsel. Thank you—that will do. [Sits down.

First Cross-Examining Q.C. (suddenly entering from another Committee Room, looking for his Junior—aside). Where on earth have we got to?

Chairman of Committee. Is this witness cross-examined?

First C.-E. Q.C. Certainly, Sir. Now I think you say that it is necessary to make a bridge over the River Crowe, coloured red in plan?

Expert Witness. No; I say that if the Swashbuckler Estate is skirted, &c., &c. [Repeats the answer he has already given.

Second Cross-Examining Q.C. (entering hurriedly, as his learned brother sits down). One moment, please. Now you say that it is absolutely necessary to pass the River Crowe, in plan coloured red, by a bridge?

Expert Witness. On the contrary, I say that if the Swashbuckler Estate, &c., &c. [Repeats his answer for the third time.

Third C.-E. Q.C. (entering hurriedly, as his predecessor resumes his seat). And now, Sir, that my learned friends have asked you their questions, I have to ask you mine. Be kind enough to say, for the benefit of the Right Hon. Chairman and the Hon. Members of the Committee, whether, in your opinion, in the construction of the proposed line, where the road reaches the neighbourhood of—(consulting plan)—Market Goosebury, coloured blue in the plan, and, as you will see, runs through the—(inspects plan closely)—Swashbuckler Estate—yes, the Swashbuckler Estate—and comes, as you will see, if you refer to the chart, near Twaddlecomb—having now sufficiently indicated the locality, I repeat, will you be kind enough to say whether, in your opinion, the necessity of building a bridge over the River Raven—(is prompted by Junior)—I should say, over the River Crowe—could be avoided?

Chairman of Committee (interposing). I would suggest that, as this question has been answered three times, the witness be excused further examination at the hands of Counsel not present at the examination-in-chief....