OUR BALLYBUN LOTTERY. [À propos of Premium Bonds it has been recalled that in his evidence, given some years ago before a Select Committee, the then Under-Secretary for Ireland stated that in that distressful country "lotteries are very much used for religious purposes by people of all denominations," and that "it would be flying in the face of public opinion, especially of the great... more...

HIS FUTURE. Part I.—The Proposal, 1920. "About this boy of ours, my dear," said Gerald. "Well, what about it?" said Margaret. "He weighed fourteen pounds and an eighth this morning, and he's only four months and ten days old, you know." "Is he? I mean, does he? Splendid. But what I was going to say was this: in view of the present social and economic disturbances and... more...

A STORY WITH A POINT. (With Mr. Punch's apologies for not having sent it on to "The Spectator.") Geoffrey has an Irish terrier that he swears by. I don't mean by this that he invokes it when he becomes portentous, but he is always annoying me with tales, usually untruthful, of the wonderful things this dog has done. Now I have a pointer, Leopold, who really is a marvellous animal, and... more...

MEN AND THINGS OF THE MOMENT. [Mr. Punch cannot hold himself responsible for the views expressed in the following correspondence.] The Mallaby-Deeley Emporium. Dear Mr. Punch,—I want you to use your influence with that great philanthropist, Mr. Mallaby-Deeley. I know that he is too modest to claim to be a benefactor of the race, but I am at least right in calling him "Mr.," for that is how he... more...

CLOTHES AND THE POET. ["The public will welcome an announcement that the standard clothing scheme may be revived on a voluntary basis."—The Times.] I do not ask for silk attire, For purple, no, nor puce; The only wear that I require Is something plain and loose, A quiet set of reach-me-downs for serviceable use. For these, which I must have because The honour of the Press Compels me, by... more...

September 23, 1914. THE ALIEN Chorus. "Boo! 'oo kissed 'er 'and to the Kaiser larst time 'e come over? Yar! Bloomin' German!" The Kaiser, we are told, travels with an asbestos hut. We fancy, however, that it is not during his lifetime that the most pressing need for a fire-proof shelter will arise. "The Germans," said one of our experts last week, "are... more...

July 29th, 1914. A warrant has been issued for the arrest of Signor Ulvi, the inventor of “F” rays. He is said to have eloped from Florence with an Admiral’s daughter. This was not discovered until Signor Ulvi had got well away, and his claim to be able to cause explosions at a distance would now seem to be established. General Huerta is said to have taken with him on his flight securities to the... more...

November 11, 1914. "In Buenos Aires and other parts of Argentina," The Express tells us, "people are tired of the war, and a brisk trade is being done in the sale of buttons to be worn by the purchaser, inscribed with the words 'No me habla de la guerra' ('Don't talk to me about the war')." The Kaiser, we understand, has now sent for one of these buttons. The... more...

July 8, 1914 Lord Brassey is said to be annoyed at the way in which his recent adventure at Kiel was exaggerated. He landed, it seems, on the mole of the Kaiser Dockyard, not noticing a warning to trespassers—and certain of our newspapers proceeded at once to make a mountain out of the mole. Mr. Roosevelt's American physician, Dr. Alexander Lambert, has confirmed the advice of his European... more...

July 22, 1914. Those who deny that Mr. Lloyd George is ruining land-owners will perhaps be impressed by the following advertisement in The Bazaar, Exchange and Mart:— "To be sold, small holding, well stocked with fruit trees, good double tenement house on good road and close to station, good outer buildings. Price, Four Marks, Alton, Hunts." The fact that the price should be translated into... more...