CONFESSIONS OF A DUFFER. III.—THE LITERARY DUFFER."I have worn a cloak and a Tyrolese hat, and attitudinised in the Picture-galleries."Why I am not a success in literature it is difficult for me to tell; indeed, I would give a good deal to anyone who would explain the reason. The Publishers, and Editors, and Literary Men decline to tell me why they do not want my contributions. I am sure I... more...

AFTER DINNER—AT THE CLOSE OF THE YEAR. SCENE—A Private Room in a well-known Dining Hotel. Eminent Politicians discussing "shop" over their walnuts before dispersing for the Christmas holidays. First Eminent Politician. I say that recent speech of yours at Skegness was a little strong. Preferring the Navy to the Army! Although the Army is of course the "Best possible Army," and all... more...

CABITAL! SIR,—The proposal to extend the Cab Radius to five miles from Charing Cross is good in its way, but it does not go far enough. My idea is that the cheap cab-fare should include any place in the Home Counties. Cabmen should also be prevented by law from refusing to take a person, say, from Piccadilly to St. Albans, on the plea that their horse "could not do the distance." All... more...

"VERSAILLES" IN LEICESTER SQUARE. (Or, the New Ballet at the Empire, as it appears through Mr. Punch's Pince-nez.) TABLEAU I.—The Park at Versailles. "Gardeners," according to the "Argument" supplied with programmes, "are seen busily preparing for the arrival of King Louis the Fourteenth and his Court." If tickling the gravel gently with brooms, and depositing one... more...

LOST LUGGAGE. (Or the Experiences of a "Vacuus Viator.") At the Douane, Ostend.—Just off Princesse Henriette; passengers hovering about excitedly with bunches of keys, waiting for their luggage to be brought ashore. Why can't they take things quietly—like me? I don't worry. Saw my portmanteau and bag labelled at Victoria. Sure to turn up in due time. Some men when they travel... more...

OPERATIC NOTES.Ancient Brass-Work, in memory of Wagner the Great Worker in Brass. Wednesday.—WAGNER. Vainly the Daughters of the River, representing the floating capital of the Banks of the Rhine, cry "Woa! Woa!" The orchestra, under the direction of Herr MAHLER, takes no notice of them, but goes on Wagnerianly, inexorably. Thus swimmingly we reach Walhall—where the fire-god Loge has a... more...

ON A NEW YEARLING. (Second Week.)Second Week. Little 1892 grows rapidly, and begins to look about him.My fire was low; my bills were high; My sip of punch was in its ladle; The clarion chimes were in the sky; The nascent year was in its cradle. In sober prose to tell my tale, 'Twas New Year's E'en, when, blind to danger, All older-fashioned nurses hail With joy "another little... more...

THE COURIER OF THE HAGUE. (By the "Vacuus Viator.") He is an elderly amiable little Dutchman in a soft felt hat; his name is BOSCH, and he is taking me about. Why I engaged him I don't quite know—unless from a general sense of helplessness in Holland, and a craving for any kind of companionship. Now I have got him, I feel rather more helpless than ever—a sort of composite of Sandford... more...

A DAY AT ANTWERP. (By the "Vacuus Viator.") In the Place Verte.—"The traveller," according to Bædeker, "should at once direct his steps to the Cathedral." Not going to be bullied by Bædeker! Shall assert my independence by directing steps somewhere else first. Carillon tinkling fitfully up in tower. Like an elderly ghost with failing memory, trying to play every tune she... more...

VENICE RESERVED. (A Sketch from a Numbered Stall at Olympia.) On the Stage, the Scene represents "A Public Place before the Arsenal," where a number of artisans are apparently busily engaged in making horse-shoes on cold anvils in preparation for the launch of "The Adriatica." On extreme R. enter Antonio, who expresses commercial embarrassment by going through a sort of dumb-bell... more...