ARE YOU A BROMIDE? The terms "Bromide" and "Sulphite" as applied to psychological rather than chemical analysis have already become, among the illuminati, so widely adopted that these denominations now stand in considerable danger of being weakened in significance through a too careless use. The adjective "bromidic" is at present adopted as a general vehicle, a common carrier for the thoughtless damnation of the Philistine. The time has come to... more...

INTRODUCTION Children, although you might expectMy manners to be quite correct(For since I fancy I can teach,I ought to practice what I preach),'Tis true that I have often bravedMy mother's wrath, and misbehaved!And almost every single ruleI broke, before I went to school!For that is how I learned the wayTo teach you etiquette to-day.So when you chance to take a lookAt all the maxims in the book,You'll see that most of... more...

INTRODUCTION   In this DIRECTORY you'll seeJust what you never ought to be;And so, it should Direct your wayTo Good Behavior, every day.The children of whose faults I tellAre known by other names, as well,So see that you aren't in this groupOf Naughty Ones. Don't be a Goop!   MARMADUKE ARGYLL Talking while Eating     A Goop that alwaysmakes me smileIs this one:Marmaduke Argyll.His mouth is fullfrom cheek to... more...

Introduction "Tell me, ye muses, what hath former agesNow left succeeding times to play upon,And what remains unthought on by those sagesWhere a new muse may try her pinion?" So Complained Phineas Fletcher in his Purple Island as long ago as 1633. Three centuries have brought to the development of lyric passion no higher form than that of the sonnet cycle. The sonnet has been likened to an exquisite crystal goblet that holds one sublimely... more...

THE PECULIAR HISTORY OF THECHEWING-GUM MAN.   WILLIE, an’ Wallie, an’ Huldy Ann,They went an’ built a big CHEWIN’-GUM MAN:It was none o’ your teenty little dots,With pinhole eyes an’ pencil-spots;But this was a terribul big one—well,’T was a’most as high as the Palace Hotel!It took ’em a year to chew the gum!!And Willie he done it all, ’cept someThat Huldy got her ma to... more...

OMAR CAYENNE I Wake! For the Hack can scatter into flight Shakespere and Dante in a single Night! The Penny-a-liner is Abroad, and strikes Our Modern Literature with blithering Blight. II Before Historical Romances died, Methought a Voice from Art's Olympus cried, "When all Dumas and Scott is still for Sale, Why nod o'er drowsy Tales, by Tyros tried?" III A cock-sure Crew with Names ne'er heard before Greedily... more...