First Treatise. Louis Napoleon, according to a severe divine judgment Emperor of France, and James Buchanan, according to the merciful divine benignity President of the United States. On the 27th January, 1859, while I was ready to start from Philadelphia, a messenger said, that on that day an article appeared in the German Democrat of that city for my use, and handed to me the number containing that... more...

BURLESQUE AUTOBIOGRAPHY. Two or three persons having at different times intimated that if I would write an autobiography they would read it, when they got leisure, I yield at last to this frenzied public demand, and herewith tender my history: Ours is a noble old house, and stretches a long way back into antiquity. The earliest ancestor the Twains have any record of was a friend of the family by the... more...

Once upon a time there was a lad named Jacob Boehm, who was a practical huntsman. One day Jacob said to his mother, "Mother, I would like to marry Gretchen—the nice, pretty little daughter of the Herr Mayor." Jacob's mother thought that he was crazy. "Marry the daughter of the Herr Mayor, indeed! You want to marry the daughter of the Herr Mayor? Listen; many a man wants and wants,... more...

CHAPTER I. THE GRAND TOUR OF JEAN JACQUES BARBILLE "Peace and plenty, peace and plenty"—that was the phrase M. Jean Jacques Barbille, miller and moneymaster, applied to his home-scene, when he was at the height of his career. Both winter and summer the place had a look of content and comfort, even a kind of opulence. There is nothing like a grove of pines to give a sense of warmth in winter... more...

MOTHERNOOK. THE EASTERN SHORE OF MARYLAND.One day, worn out with head and pen,And the debate of public men,I said aloud, "Oh! if there wereSome place to make me young awhile,I would go there, I would go there,And if it were a many a mile!"Then something cried—perhaps my map,That not in vain I oft invoke—"Go seek again your mother's lap,The dear old soil that gave you sap,And see... more...

1. My design is to show the manner wherein we perceive by sight the distance, magnitude, and situation of OBJECTS. Also to consider the difference there is betwixt the IDEAS of sight and touch, and whether there be any IDEA common to both senses. 2. It is, I think, agreed by all that DISTANCE, of itself and immediately, cannot be seen. For DISTANCE being a Line directed end-wise to the eye, it projects... more...

CHAPTER I. 1861.—Enthusiasm of the North.—Washington Threatened.—Bull Run, and Its Lessons.—General Scott and the Cavalry.—Enlistment under Captain Buel.—Harris Light Cavalry.—Leaving Troy, New York.— Captain A. N. Duffié.—Drilling and Fencing at Scarsdale, New York.—Bound for the Seat of War.—Philadelphia.—Baltimore.—Washington.—Camp Oregon. The eleventh of April, 1861,... more...

CHAPTER I. INTRODUCTORY. The Universe contains ‘Things.’ [For example, “I,” “London,” “roses,” “redness,” “old English books,” “the letter which I received yesterday.”] Things have ‘Attributes.’ [For example, “large,” “red,” “old,” “which I received yesterday.”] One Thing may have many Attributes; and one Attribute may belong to many Things. [Thus, the... more...

(AUGUST, 1919) The Essays in this volume were written at various times before and during the Great War. In reading them through for republication, I have to ask myself whether my opinions on social science and on the state of religion, the two subjects which are mainly dealt with in this collection, have been modified by the greatest calamity which has ever befallen the civilised world, or by the issue... more...

By other Nature books I'm sure, You've often been misled, You've tried a wall-flower to secure. And "picked a hen" instead: You've wondered what the egg-plants lay, And why the chestnut's burred, And if the hop-vine hops away, It's perfectly absurd. I hence submit for your inspection, This very new and choice collection, Of flowers on Storks, and Phlox of birds,... more...