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Uncle Josh's Punkin Centre Stories

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My Old Yaller Almanac Hangin' on theKitchen WallI'M sort of fond of readin' onething and another,So I've read promiscus likewhatever cum my way,And many a friendly argument's cum up 'tweenme and mother,'Bout things that I'd be readin' settin' rounda rainy day.Sometimes it jist seemed to me thar wa'ntno end of books,Some made fer useful readin' and some jistmade fer looks;But of all the different books I've read,thar's none comes up at allTo My Old Yaller Almanac, Hangin' onthe Kitchen Wall.I've always liked amusement, of the goodand wholesome kind,It's better than a doctor, and it elevates themind;So, often of an evening, when the farmchores all were done,I'd join the games the boys would play, goshhow I liked the fun;And once thar wuz a minstrel troop, theyshowed at our Town Hall,A jolly lot of fellers, 'bout twenty of 'em all.Wall I went down to see 'em, but theirjokes, I knowed 'em all,Read 'em in My Old Yaller Almanac,Hangin' on the Kitchen Wall. Thar wuz Ezra Hoskins, Deacon Brown anda lot of us old codgers,Used to meet down at the grocery store,what wuz kept by Jason Rogers.There we'd set and argufy most every marketday,Chawin' tobacker and whittlin' sticks to passthe time away;And many a knotty problem has put us onour mettle,Which we felt it wuz our duty to duly solveand settle;Then after they had said their say, whothought they knowed it all,I'd floor 'em with some facts I'd gotFrom My Old Yaller Almanac, Hangin' onthe Kitchen Wall. It beats a regular cyclopedium, that oldfashioned yeller book,And many a pleasant hour in readin' it I'vetook;Somehow I've never tired of lookin' throughits pages,Seein' of the different things that's happenedin all ages.One time I wuz elected a Justice of thePeace,To make out legal documents, a mortgageor a lease,Them tricks that lawyers have, you bet Iknowed them all,Learned them in My Old Yaller Almanac,Hangin' on the Kitchen Wall. So now I've bin to New York, and all yoursights I've seen,I s'pose that to you city folks I must lookmost awful green,Gee whiz, what lots of fun I've had as Iwalked round the town,Havin' Bunco Steerers ask me if I wasn'tMr. Hiram Brown. I've rode on all your trolloly cars, and hungonto the straps,When we flew around the corners, sat onother peoples' laps,Hav'nt had no trouble, not a bit at all,Read about your city in My Old YallerAlmanac, Hangin' on the Kitchen Wall.

Uncle Josh Weathersby's Arrival in New York

WALL, fer a long time I had my mind made up that I'd cum down to New York, and so a short time ago, as I had my crops all gathered in and produce sold I calculated as how it would be a good time to come down here. Folks at home said I'd be buncoed or have my pockets picked fore I'd bin here mor'n half an hour; wall, I fooled 'em a little bit, I wuz here three days afore they buncoed me. I spose as how there are a good many of them thar bunco fellers around New York, but I tell you them thar street keer conductors take mighty good care on you....