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The Absurd ABC

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A for the APPLEor Alphabet pie,Which all get a slice of.Come taste it & try. B is the BABYwho gave Mr BuntingFull many a long day'srabbit skin hunting. C for the CATthat played on the fiddle,When cows jumped higher than'Heigh Diddle Diddle!' D for the DAMEwith her pig at the stile,'Tis said they got over,but not yet a while.   E for the Englishman,ready to make fastThe giant who wanted tohave him for breakfast. F for the Frog in the storyyou know,Begun with a wooing butending in woe. G for Goosey Ganderwho wandered upstairs,And met the old manwho objected to prayers.   H for poor Humpty whoafter his fall,Felt obliged to resign hisseat on the wall. I for the Inn where theywouldn't give beer,To one with too muchand no money, I fear. J does for poor Jack andalso for Jill,Who had so disastrousa tumble down hill.   K for calm Kitty, at dinnerwho sat,While all the good folkswatched the dog & the cat. L for Little man, gun andbullets complete,Who shot the poor duck, andwas proud of the feat. M for Miss Muffet, withthat horrid spider,Just dropped into tea anda chat beside her. N for the Numerous childrenthey whoWere often too much fortheir mother in Shoe. O the Old person thatcobwebs did spy,And went up to sweep 'emOh ever so high! P for the Pie made ofblackbirds to sing,A song fit for suppera dish for a king.   Q for Queen Annewho sat in the sunTill she, more than the lilyresembled the bun R stands for Richard &Robert, those menWho didn't get up onefine morning till ten! S for the Snail that showedwonderful fight,Putting no less than twenty-fourtailors to flight!   T stands for Tom, the son ofthe piper,May his principles changeas his years grow riper. U for the Unicorn, keepinghis eye onThe coveted crown, and'ts counsel the Lion. V for the Victuals, includingthe drink,The old woman lived onsurprising to think!   W for the WOMANwho not over nice,Made very short workof the three blind mice. X is the Xthat is found upon buns,Which, daughters not liking,may come in for sons. Y for Yankee Doodleof ancient renown,Both he & his ponythat took him to town. Z for the Zany wholooked like a fool,For when he was younghe neglected his school.