Excerpt
NOVEMBER 4, 1914.
CHARIVARIA.
The Fremdenblatt of Hamburg congratulates itself that "the British campaign of pin-pricks is fast coming to a miserable end." If the reference is to bayonets, our contemporary is in error.
A Berlin news agency states that General Leman, of Liége, is actually a German. It is characteristic of the Germans to bring an accusation like that against a brave and innocent man in adversity.
The Kölnische Volkszeitung records the foundation of a "German Truth Society." We are glad that it is realised over there at last that there is a difference between Truth and German Truth.
It is semi-officially announced that the Kaiser's headquarters are now in France. His hindquarters were recently seen in Russia.
A detachment of British cavalry, while playing water polo in the Oise, suddenly spotted a patrol of German Uhlans, jumped on their horses naked, and in that state charged the enemy. We understand that a protest has been lodged at the War Office by the British Propriety League.
A motor wireless section in Scotland is searching for a mascot and regimental pet, and a Glasgow newspaper invites its readers to supply a suitable animal. What would be wrong with a wireless terrier?
Shortly before the outbreak of the war, it is said, the Kaiser ordered a Gloucester spotted pig in this country. Later on the shipment of the pig was countermanded. Presumably sufficient pigs had already been spotted in the German army.
A pretty tribute to our ability to keep our hair on in a crisis was paid last week at the Bow County Court by an itinerant vendor of a hair restorer. He informed the Court that since the war there had been no demand for his goods.
A correspondent writes to The Times to object to the nickname "Tommies" applied to our soldiers. "Thomases" would undoubtedly be more respectful and dignified.
An original production of Everyman is to be given at the Cathedral Hall, Westminster, on the 12th, 13th and 14th instant, in aid of the Actors' Benevolent Fund. We trust that Everyman will do his duty and bring in a large sum for this admirable object.
The French authorities have seized ten race-horses stabled at St. Symphorien, near Tours, which belonged to M. Mumm, of the famous champagne firm, who is a German subject. Motto for those Germans who were captured speechless in the neighbourhood of Rheims:—"Mumm's the word!"
We note that there is a strong cast in The Glad Eye which has made its appearance again.
Which reminds us that they are calling a certain cheery correspondent on our Generalissimo's Staff "The Glad Eye Witness."
The latest news from South Africa would seem to show that Beyers are sometimes sold.
"Not big enough! D'yer know 'oo I am? D'yer know foive year ago I was champion light-weight of Wapping?"
"I've no doubt you're a good man; but, you see, you don't come up to the required measurements, so I'm afraid that's the end of it."
"Oh, all right, then. Only, mind yer, if yer go an' lose this 'ere war—well, don't blame me—that's all!"
THE FLASH-LIGHT THAT FAILED....