Why They Married

Excerpt

Don’t be ashamed to let us know
Why you tried matrimony,
For others brave the under-tow
For reasons quite as funny;
We give these little facts away,
Perhaps it is a treason,
Don’t marry in an off-hand way,
Be sure “there’s a reason!”

THE AUTHOR

STUNG!

He was a gentle and sensitive chap,
He married the forceful Miss Howe,
He wanted her sympathy, did the poor yap—
He has everyone’s sympathy now!Maud hung onto straps in the Subway and “L,”
No man ever said “Take my seat!”
She swore that she’d marry the first one who did—
The next day her husband did meet!

SKIDDOO!

When your wife jams her hat on and packs up her bag
And says “I shall go back to mother!”
If you sniff she will say, “Just for that I will stay!”
One excuse is as good as another.
John Quincy tho’ kindly and gentle, declared:
“The man must be master, by gum!”
But his outlook on life, is just what his dear wife
Lets him peer at from under her thumb!

NOT A QUITTER.

Wilhemina’s bridegroom failed to show up at the church
So she yanked the driver off the wedding hack,
And married him in lieu of John, who’d left her in the lurch
For she would NOT send the wedding presents back.
“I never could marry that kind of a man!”
Said Miss Sue of a fellow named Sid—
So of course the gods heard her and laughed when they saw,
’Twas exactly the kind that she did!

HOW WAS SHE TO KNOW?

The reason sweet Alice got married to-day—
Sweet Alice, so prettily blushing,
She hadn’t the faintest idea that the gent
Had another wife over in Flushing.
Miss Luella Gloaming was naturally glum,
So she married young Grouch, the recluse;
For she says when she’s sad, she just looks at his face—
Then she can’t help but laugh like the deuce!

WHY THEY MARRIED.

This couple before you are husband and wife,
He looks sorry and just a bit harried;
It took a mere two-spot to scare him for life,
At least that’s the reason he married!
Mr. Pinhead was worth eighty millions,
Miss Nothingbutt had eighty-two;
Why do cash and spondulicks get married?
Spondulicks and cash always do!

AN OPEN AND SHUT GAME.

They heard that people ought to wed
Their opposites in life;
He finds an opposition where
He thought he’d found a wife!
You never can guess why she married this man,
There’s no use the matter to mince,
She married him merely because he had hair
Like her lost Pomeranian, “Prince.”

AND THERE YOU ARE!

The reason Walter Applepie
Did wed his Nancy fair,
She liked the way his mouth curled up—
He liked her fuzzy hair!
These people are mated exactly,
And all that remains is to tell,
That she is a bully good talker,
And he listens equally well!
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