"Swingin Round the Cirkle." His Ideas Of Men, Politics, And Things, As Set Forth In His Letters To The Public Press, During The Year 1866.

Excerpt

I.

After the New Jersey Election, 1865.

Saint’s Rest
(wich is in the State uv Noo Gersey),
November, 9, 1865.

Never wuz I in so pleasant a frame uv mind as last night. All wuz peace with me, for after bein buffeted about the world for three skore years, at last it seemed to me ez tho forchune, tired uv persekootin a unforchnit bein, hed taken me into favor. I hed a solemn promise from the Demekratic State Central Committy in the great State uv Noo Gersey, that ez soon ez our candidate for Governor wuz dooly elected, I shood hev the position uv Dorekeeper to the House uv the Lord (wich in this State means the Capital, & wich is certainly better than dwellin in the tents uv wicked grosery keepers, on tick, ez I do), and a joodishus exhibition uv this promise hed prokoored for me unlimited facilities for borrerin, wich I improved, muchly.

On Wednesday nite I wuz a sittin in my room, a enjoyin the pleasin reflection that in a few days I should be placed above want & beyond the contingencies uv fortune. Wood! oh wood! that I hed died then and there, before that dream ov bliss wuz roodly broken. A wicked boy cum runnin past with a paper wich he hed brot from the next town where there lives a man who takes one. He flung it thro the window to me and past on. I opened it eagerly, and glanced at the hed lines!

“NOO GERSEY—5,000 REPUBLIKIN!”

One long and piercin shreek wuz heard thro that house, and wen the inmates rushed into the room they found me inanymate on the floor. The fatal paper lay near me, explainin the cause uv the catastrophe. The kind-hearted landlord, after feelin uv my pockets and diskiverin that the contents thereof wood not pay the arrearages uv board, held a hurried consultation with his wife as to the propriety uv bringin me to; he insisting that it wuz the only chance uv gittin what wuz back—she insistin that ef I was brung to I’d go on runnin up the bill, bigger and bigger, and never pay at last. While they was argooin the matter, pro and con, I happened to git a good smell uv his breath, wich restored me to consciousniss to-wunst, without further assistance.

When in trouble my poetic sole alluz finds vent in song. Did ever poet who delited in tombs, and dark, rollin streams, and consumption, and blighted hopes, and decay, and sich themes, ever hev such a pick of subjects ez I hev at this time? The follerin may be a consolation to the few Dimokrats uv the North who have gone so far into copperheadism that they can’t change their base:—

A WALE!

In the mornin we go forth rejoicin in our strength—in the evenin we are bustid and wilt!

Man born uv woman (and most men are) is uv few days, & them is so full uv trouble that it’s skarsely worth while bein born at all.

In October I waded in woe knee-deep, and now the waters uv afflickshun are about my chin.

I look to the east, and Massychusets rolls in Ablishun.

To the west I turn my eyes, and Wisconsin, and Minnesota, and Illinoy ansers Ablishun.

Southward I turn my implorin gaze, and Maryland sends greetin—Ablishun. In New York we had em, for lo! we run a soljer, who fought valiantly, and we put him on a platform, wich stunk with nigger—yea, the savor thereof wuz louder than the Ablishun platform itself.

But behold! the people jeer and flout, and say “the platform stinketh loud enough, but the smell thereof is not the smell uv the Afrikin—it is of the rotten material uv wich it is composed, and the corrupshun they hev placed upon it”—and New York goes Ablishun.

Slocum held hisself up, and sed, “Come and buy.” And our folks bought him and his tribe, but he getteth not his price.

Noo Gersey—Ablishun!!

Job’s cattle wuz slain by murrain and holler horn and sich, and, not livin near Noo York, the flesh thereof he cood not sell....