Billy Whiskers The Autobiography of a Goat

Excerpt

r. Wagner lived about two miles from a small town, and he thought it would be nice for his boys to have a little goat cart, so they could drive into town for mail and do errands for the family.

Without saying anything to his family, he appeared one evening leading a nice, docile looking, long-bearded Billy goat, hitched to a beautiful new red wagon.

Of course, the boys were wild with delight, and their mother disgusted, for she predicted that he would be more bother than he was worth, and would eat up all the things in the garden. They answered her that they would take good care that he never got loose, and that no wrong would happen, if she would only let them keep the goat. So with many misgivings she gave her consent, and Billy was led to the stable behaving like a lamb.

The boys christened him Billy Whiskers immediately, on account of his long white beard. It being a warm night, they tied him near a shed, so if it rained he could go under it for protection, and giving him some grass and a bucket of water, they went to bed to dream of the fun they were going to have the next day with Billy Whiskers.

It was five hours later when Billy awakened from his first long sleep, and feeling refreshed, thought he would take a look around. It was bright moonlight, and as all the lights were out in the house, he knew he would not be disturbed, for when he went to a new place he did not like to be interfered with when he made his first explorations, and he always preferred making them at night, and alone. You will no doubt think that he could not explore much, tied to a short rope, but if you think the rope made any difference you do not know the ways of an educated goat, and Billy had no Kindergarten education either, but a regular High School training in that respect.

He turned, and taking the rope in his mouth as he had done many times before, he quietly and peacefully chewed it until it fell apart, and then with a kick of his heels, and a wink at the house, he went toward the garden. From this direction the evening breeze was wafting to his nostrils sweet odors of dew-sprinkled lettuce and tender beet tops.

He ate up all the lettuce, or at least all the choice heads, and what beets he did not eat, he stepped on. Then he walked across the flower beds, and trampled down all the flowers, in a short cut to the pump, for he was getting thirsty.

On his way to the pump he thought he saw a man coming down the road, so he hurried along and went up on the veranda of the house to stand in the shadow until the man went by, for he knew that men often interfere with a goat's pleasure, even if it is only a moonlight stroll.

The man having passed, he walked around the veranda trying every now and then to look in at the window to see what kind of a house his new master had. At last he came to the front door and he could not help trying to taste the bell knob, it looked so much like a knob of salt in the moonlight. To be sure he knew that it was not salt, but it did look so good to eat, and he had often eaten things before that were not down on the diet list of a goat, so he took another chew but, horrors!...