RESOLUTIONS. I will not breakfast in my bed With downy cushions at my head; That would be very wrong—and so Away the eggs and bacon go! I will not read in bed at night And burn the dear electric light; Nor buy another costly hat; Oh no! I'm much too good for that. But I will rise before the dawn And weed and cut and roll the lawn; My border I will plant with veg, Abundantly from hedge to hedge. And all the day I'll... more...

January 26, 1916. CHARIVARIA. Some idea of the financial straits in which English people find themselves may be gathered from the statement that the first forced strawberries of the season fetched no more than ten shillings a pound. The Germans proudly point out that their forced loans fetched more than that. A kindly M.P. has suggested that our German naval prisoners should be employed in making the projected the ship canal between... more...

January 19, 1916. CHARIVARIA. In a description of Lord Kitchener's home at Broome Park we read that on the way there one passes a kind of crater known by the rustics as "Old England's Hole." And a little farther on you come to the man who got Old England out of it. A German professor advocates the appointment of State matrimonial agents. Elderly and experienced ladies and gentlemen should be employed to bring young people together,... more...

January 12, 1916. CHARIVARIA. There is much satisfaction in the German Army at the announcement that iron coins to the value of ten million marks are to be substituted for nickel and copper. It is now hoped that those Crosses may yet prove to be worth something. A resident of Honor Oak writes to the papers to say that such was the patriotic anxiety of people in his neighbourhood to pay their taxes at the earliest possible moment that... more...

February 23, 1916. CHARIVARIA. The threatened shortage of paper has led a few unkind persons to enquire upon what our diplomatic victories are hereafter to be achieved. An interned German was recently given a week's freedom in which to get married, and the interesting question has now been raised as to whether his children, when they reach the age of twenty-one, will be liable to the Conscription Act or will have to be interned as... more...

CHARIVARIA. Many early nestings are recorded as the result of the mild weather, and at least one occasional visitor (Polonius bombifer) has laid eggs in various parts of the country. Says a learned correspondent of The Observer: "There may be fundamental differences between observed phenomena without affecting the validity of a strict analogy; and after all an analogy is based upon presented similarities. It is sufficient if the sameness... more...

April 5, 1916. CHARIVARIA. A severe blizzard hit London last week, and Mr. Pemberton-Billing has since been heard to admit, however reluctantly, that there are other powers of the air. After more than five weeks the bubble blown by Sir James Dewar at the Royal Institution on February 17th has burst. A still larger bubble, blown by some eminent German scientists as long ago as August, 1914, is said to be on the point of dissolution.... more...

CHARIVARIA. We are in a position to state that the efficiency of Germany's new submersible Zeppelins has been greatly exaggerated. Many schemes for coping with our £2,100,000,000 War indebtedness are before the authorities, and at least one dear old lady has written suggesting that they should hold a bazaar. It is stated that the monkey market at Constantinople, which for hundreds of years has supplied the baboons found in... more...

September 30, 1914. CHARIVARIA The German troops which started out for a "pleasure trip" to Paris are now reported, owing, no doubt, to the influence of British environment, to be taking their pleasures sadly. Several reasons have been given for the destruction of Rheims Cathedral. The real one is now said to be the following. Owing to the Red Cross Flag being flown from one of the towers the Germans thought the building was only a... more...

SEPTEMBER 2, 1914. CHARIVARIA. Reports still continue to come in as to the outbursts of rage which took place in Germany when the news of our participation in the War reached that country. Seeing that we had merely been asked to allow our friends to be robbed and murdered, our interference is looked upon as peculiarly gratuitous. We hear, by the way, that the Germans, who hold Kiao-chau on a long lease, appealed unsuccessfully to... more...