"Though cold the coxcomb, and though coarse the boor, Though dulness haunts the rich and pain the poor, In this colossal city, Yet London is not Rome, O Shade!" I said. "A later Juvenal should not find her dead To purity and pity." "Satire, of shames and follies in sole quest, Is a one-eyed divinity at best," My guide responded, slowly. "The tale of Zoïlus hath its moral still. Such critics are but blowflies, their small skill... more...

JUSTISS FOR THE PORE. I've jest been told another staggerer. Well, it seems then that, in one of the werry largest and werry poppularest of all the Citty Parishes, sum grand old Cristian Patriots of the holden times left lots of money, when they was ded, and didn't want it no more, to be given to the Pore of the Parish, for warious good and charitable hobjecs, such as for rewarding good and respectabel Female Servants as managed to keep their... more...

ALL IN PLAY. My Dear Editor,—Whilst you were feasting in Burlington House amongst the Pictures and the Royal Academicians, I was seated in the Stalls of the St. James's Theatre, lost in astonishment (certainly not in admiration, although of old the two words had the same meaning), at the antics of a minority of the Gallery, who amused themselves by shouting themselves hoarse before the performances commenced; but not satisfied with this,... more...

CHARACTERS. Miss JennyMiss Polly } By the Sisters Leamar. The Soldier DollThe Soldier Doll } By the Two Armstrongs. Scene—A Nursery. Enter Miss Jenny and Miss Polly, who perform a blameless step-dance with an improving chorus. Oh, isn't it jolly! we've each a new dolly, And one is a Soldier, the other's a Tar! We're fully contented with what's been presented, Such good little children we both of us are! [They dance... more...

MODERN TYPES. (By Mr. Punch's own Type Writer.) No. XVII.—THE SPURIOUS SPORTSMAN. There is in sport, as in Society, a class of men who aspire perpetually towards something as perpetually elusive, which appears to them, rightly or wrongly, to be higher and nobler than their actual selves. But whereas a man may be of and in Society, without effort, by the mere accident of birth or wealth, in sport, properly understood, achievement of some... more...

ROBERT'S AMERICAN ACQUAINTANCE. My akwaintance among eminent selebraties seems to be rapidly encreasing. Within what Amlet calls a week, a little week, after my larst intervue with the emenent young Swell as amost lost his art to the pretty Bridesmade, I have been onored with the most cordial notice of a werry emenent Amerrycane, who cums to Lundon wunce ewery year, and makes a good long stay, and allus cums to one or other of our Grand Otels.... more...

ACT I. The Horse Guards Parade, Elsinore, near Edinburgh. Enter MACCLAUDIUS, MACGERTRUDE, Brilliant Staff, and Scotch Guards. The Colours are trooped. Then enter TELMAH, who returns salute of Sentries. MacClaudius. I am just glad you have joined us, TELMAH. Telmah. Really! I fancied some function was going on, but thought it was a parade, in honour of my father's funeral. MacGertrude (with a forced laugh). Don't be so absurd! Your poor... more...

"WHY NOT LIVE OUT OF LONDON?"   SIR,—Capital subject recently started Daily Telegraph, with the above title. Just what I've been saying to my wife for years past. "Why don't you and the family live out of London," I have asked. And she has invariably replied, "Oh, yes, and what would you be doing in London?" I impress upon her that being the "bread-winner" (beautiful word, this!) my duty is to be on the spot where the bread is... more...

FIRST AID TO TOMMY ATKINS. Sir,—I visited the Military Exhibition the other day according to your instructions, my bosom glowing with patriotic ardour. If anything besides your instructions and the general appropriateness of the occasion had been necessary to make my bosom glow thus, it would have been found in the fact that I formerly served my country in a Yeomanry Regiment. I shall never forget the glorious occasions on which I wore... more...

CHAPTER I.   GEORGE GINSLING was alone in his College-rooms at Cambridge. His friends had just left him. They were quite the tip-top set in Christ's College, and the ashes of the cigarettes they had been smoking lay about the rich Axminster carpet. They had been talking about many things, as is the wont of young men, and one of them had particularly bothered GEORGE by asking him why he had refused a seat in the University Trial Eights... more...