A NATIONAL SKY-SCRAPER. I have been often asked why the Government, foreseeing the inevitable increase of Departments, had not the elementary imagination to build a colossal sky-scraper to accommodate them all. The objections to such an act of apparently obvious intelligence may be briefly enumerated. (1) With such a landmark whoever had business to conduct with a Government Department would know where... more...

RATIONS. As I said to John, I can bear anger and sarcasm—but contempt, not. Binny and Joe are our cats, and the most pampered of pets. Every day, when our meals were served, there was spread upon the carpet a newspaper, on which Binny and Joe would trample, clamouring, until a plate containing their substantial portion was laid down: after which we were free to proceed with our own meal. Then came... more...

THE MUD LARKS. When I was young, my parents sent me to a boarding school, not in any hopes of getting me educated, but because they wanted a quiet home. At that boarding school I met one Frederick Delane Milroy, a chubby flame-coloured brat who had no claims to genius, excepting as a littérateur. The occasion that established his reputation with the pen was a Natural History essay. We were given five... more...

HOT WEATHER CORRESPONDENCE. (In the manner of various contemporaries.) ANIMAL LABOUR. Corelli Parade, Stratford-on-Avon. DEAR SIR,—I seem to have read somewhere of the extreme sagacity and intelligence shown by the baboons of South Africa, some of whom, as well as I remember, are employed as porters and, I think, station-masters on the railways in the interior of Cape Colony. My gardener and coachman... more...

THE COMPLETE FILM ACTOR."ARE YOU A GOOD PUGILIST?"Mr. Percy Garrick Smithers, actor, finding the path to fame less smooth on the legitimate stage than he believed it to be by the Cinema route, went to a producer of film plays and offered his services. "Yes," said the producer, "I might possibly give you lead in a big sensational I am about to put up. Are you a good pugilist?"... more...

TITLE AND HALF-TITLE PAGES. With a view to economy of paper, the title and half-title pages of the Volume which is completed with the present issue are not being delivered with copies of Punch as hitherto; they will however be sent free, by post, upon receipt of a request. Those readers who have their Volumes bound at the Punch Office, or by other binders in the official binding-cases, will not need to... more...

LESSONS OF THE WAR. I. (Acting upon instructions received from the 3rd Self-help Division the 9th Self-help Brigade issues its orders for a Raid.) 9th Self-help Brigade Operation Order No. 49. August 1st, 1920. Ref. Maps. London 1/40000 shoot 27 S.W. and (Special) 1/500 (Broadmead). 1. The 9th Self-help Brigade will carry out a Raid upon Broadmead House, Broadmead Square, W., on the night of 12/13... more...

A SHORT WAY WITH SUBMARINES. "A short way with submarines?" said Bill; "oh, yes, we've got one all right; but," he added regretfully, "I don't know as I'm at liberty to tell you. Wot I'm thinkin' about is this 'ere Defence o' the Realm Act—see? Why, there was a feller I knew got ten days' cells for just tellin' a young woman where... more...

PERSONAL PARS FROM THE WESTERN FRONT. (With acknowledgments to some of our chatty contemporaries.) HAPPY C.-IN-C.—I saw the Commander-in-Chief to-day passing through the little village of X in an open car. He was very quietly dressed in khaki, with touches of scarlet on the hat and by the collar. I waved my hand to him and he returned the salute. It is small acts like this which endear him to all. I... more...

TO THE GERMAN MILITARY PICTURE DEPARTMENT.[The enemy, in his turn, is exhibiting a film of the fighting on the Somme. At the close a statement is thrown upon the screen to the effect that the Germans have "reached the appointed goal."]On footer fields two goals are situated, One, as a rule, at either end: This for attack (in front) is indicated, And this (to rearward) you defend; In your remark... more...