TIMON. About a month ago we lost our dog. I can't describe him, although I have tried from time to time; but Elaine, my wife, said I should not speak in that fashion of a dumb animal. He stands about two hands high, is of a reseda-green shade, except when in anger, and has no distinguishing marks except the absence of a piece of the right ear, which was carried off by a marauding Irish terrier. He... more...

THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD. AN ADAPTATION. BY ORPHEUS C. KERR CHAPTER XVIII A SUBTLE STRANGER. The latest transient guest at the Roach House—a hotel kept on the entomological plan in Bumsteadville—was a gentleman of such lurid aspect as made every beholder burn to know whom he could possibly be. His enormous head of curled red hair not only presented a central parting on top... more...

A PROPER PROPORTION. (An Interview with Mr. H.G. WELLS). I found the Sage, as I had expected, in his study at Omniscience Lodge. There he sat in his new suit of Britlings, surrounded by novels and stories in MS. dealing with every aspect of human affairs, sixty of the more important being specifically devoted to the War and the various ways in which it might conceivably terminate. I modestly approached... more...

MR. PUNCH'S POCKET IBSEN. (Condensed and Revised Version by Mr. P.'s Own Harmless Ibsenite.) No. IV.—THE WILD DUCK. ACT III. HIALMAR's Studio. A photograph has just been taken, GINA and HEDVIG are tidying up. Gina (apologetically). There should have been a luncheon-party in this Act, with Dr. RELLING and MÖLVIK, who would have been in a state of comic "chippiness," after his... more...

LETTERS TO ABSTRACTIONS. NO. VIII.—TO LAZINESS. BEST (AND BEST-ABUSED) OF ABSTRACTIONS, My heart positively warms to you as I write. At this precise moment I can think of a hundred different things that I ought to be doing. For instance, I have not written to TOM, who is in the wilds of Canada, for months. His last letter ended with a pathetic appeal for an answer. "Never mind, old chap," he... more...

APRIL 8, 1914. "Mr. Asquith Cleans the Slate." Daily Chronicle. The pity is that so many of his followers seem to prefer to slate the clean. Even The Nation is not quite satisfied with the Government, and has been alluding to "the extreme slackness of Cabinet methods," and complains that "situations are not thought out beforehand." The Government, apparently, is now taking the... more...

LADY GAY'S SELECTIONS. Yacht "Ibex," Weymouth. DEAR MR. PUNCH, Once again "my foot is on my native heath."—(I don't know where this quotation comes from, but presume the author of it had lost a leg, or he would have placed his feet there—or else he must have had one leg shorter than the other, and so couldn't put both down at once!)—and heartily glad I am to be... more...

MODERN TYPES. (By Mr. Punch's own Type Writer.) No. XVIII.—THE UNDOMESTIC DAUGHTER. The race of daughters is large, but their characteristics, vocations, and aptitudes, are but little understood by the general public. It is expected of them by their mothers that they should be a comfort, by their fathers that they should be inexpensive and unlike their brothers, and by their brothers that they... more...

THE WIFE CATCHERS. A LEGEND OF MY UNCLE’S BOOTS. In Four Chapters. Haberdashers, continued my friend the boot, are wonderful people; they make the greatest show out of the smallest stock—whether of brains or ribbons—of any men in the world. A stranger could not pass through the village of Ballybreesthawn without being attracted by a shop which occupied the corner of the Market-square and the main... more...

MORE THAN SATISFIED! (With Mr. Punch's apologies to the Daily Telegraph's "Academic Enthusiast.") "She-Pantaloons? seedy? Now, do we look like it?" The speaker was a tall, robust maiden with fair hair; on her knee was an edition (without notes) of the Anabasis of Xenophon, and by her side was Liddell and Scott's Lexicon, in which she had just been tracking an... more...