Periodicals Books

THE MINISTRY OF ANCESTRY. "As you are aware," said a prominent official of the Ministry of Ancestry, "although our department has only been in existence for a few months the profits have enabled the Government to take twopence off the income-tax and to provide employment for thousands of deserving clerks dismissed, in deference to public opinion, from other Government offices."... more...

October 13, 1920. Mr. Riazanov, the successor to Kameneff, is now residing in Grosvenor Street. Several readers have written to ask us how his name is pronounced. Wrongly, we believe, in nine cases out of ten. We have been given to understand that that versatile pair, the Two Bobs, are contemplating a tour of the music-halls in the mining district, where they are sure to be given a rousing reception.... more...

October 27, 1920. Some idea of the evils consequent on a coal strike can be obtained when we hear there was talk of a football match in the North having to be cancelled. Mr. Lloyd George is certainly most unlucky. As a result of the coal strike the New World has again been postponed. We are assured that everything has been done to safeguard our food supply. We ourselves have heard of one grocer who has... more...

November 24, 1920. No sooner had the League of Nations met at Geneva than news came of the pending retirement of Mr. Charlie Chaplin. We never seem to be able to keep more than one Great Idea going at a time. "Have you read Mrs. Asquith's Book?" asks an evening paper advertisement. "What book?" may we ask. "In our generation," says Dean Inge, "there are no great... more...

OUR INVINCIBLE NAVY . Prize-Money. The really intriguing thing about Naval prize-money is the fact that no one knows exactly where it comes from. You don't win it by any definite act of superlative daring—I mean to say, you don't have to creep out under cover of darkness and return in the morning with an enemy battleship in tow to qualify for a modicum of this mysterious treasure. You just... more...

TIMON. About a month ago we lost our dog. I can't describe him, although I have tried from time to time; but Elaine, my wife, said I should not speak in that fashion of a dumb animal. He stands about two hands high, is of a reseda-green shade, except when in anger, and has no distinguishing marks except the absence of a piece of the right ear, which was carried off by a marauding Irish terrier. He... more...

THE GRASSHOPPER. The Animal Kingdom may be divided into creatures which one can feed and creatures which one cannot feed. Animals which one cannot feed are nearly always unsatisfactory; and the grasshopper is no exception. Anyone who has tried feeding a grasshopper will agree with me. Yet he is one of the most interesting of British creatures. The Encyclopædia Britannica is as terse and simple as ever... more...

A CRICKET MANNERISM. A writer commented recently in an article in Punch on the advantage to a cricketer of some harmless mannerism, giving as an instance Mr. P.F. Warner's habit of hitching up the left side of his trousers and patting the ground seven times with his bat. This homely touch reminded me irresistibly of Rankin. Not that Rankin resembles Mr. Warner even remotely in any other way. But... more...

29th December, 1920. CHARIVARIA. No newspapers were published on Saturday, Sunday or Monday. We did not begrudge them their holiday, but we do think The Daily Mail might have issued occasional bulletins respecting the weather at Thanet, as we consider three days is too long to keep their readers in suspense. The most popular indoor game this winter seems to be Battledore-and-Juttlecock. A woman... more...

CHARIVARIA. According to The Evening News, lambs have already put in an appearance in Dorset. People who expect the Poet Laureate to rush to the spot will be bitterly disappointed. "What was a golden eagle doing in Lincolnshire?" asks "L.G.M." in The Daily Mail. We never answer these personal questions. The Public Libraries Committee of West Ham has declined to purchase The... more...