Games/Humor Books

MODERN TYPES. (By Mr. Punch's own Type Writer.) No. XVI.—THE HURLINGHAM GIRL. It is not so easy as it might appear to define the Hurlingham Girl with complete accuracy. To say of her that she is one whose spirits are higher than her aspirations, would be true but inadequate. For, at the best, aspirations are etherial things, and those of the Hurlingham Girl, if they ever existed, have been so... more...

THE BALAAM STAKES . They were speeding along in the train to the Dispersal Area, and, having moved heaven and earth to achieve demobilisation, were now absolutely miserable on nearing their goal. "Like to pick your fancy for the Derby, Docker?" asked Jimmy Ferguson, proffering his daily paper with an air of acute cheerfulness. "Not fer me," said Docker Morgan dismally; "I sworn off... more...

THE GRASSHOPPER. The Animal Kingdom may be divided into creatures which one can feed and creatures which one cannot feed. Animals which one cannot feed are nearly always unsatisfactory; and the grasshopper is no exception. Anyone who has tried feeding a grasshopper will agree with me. Yet he is one of the most interesting of British creatures. The Encyclopædia Britannica is as terse and simple as ever... more...

JIM'S JOTTINGS. No. II.—RATS'-RENTS, THE RENTERS AND THE RENTED. [In which GINGER JIMMY gives his views of Lazarus, Dives, Dirt, Mother Church, Slum-Freeholders and "Freedom of Contract."] "The Golgotha of Slumland!" That's a phrase as I am told Is made use of by a party,—wich that party must be bold,— In the name of Mister LAZARUS, a good Saint Pancrage gent, Wot... more...

RESOLUTIONS. I will not breakfast in my bed With downy cushions at my head; That would be very wrong—and so Away the eggs and bacon go! I will not read in bed at night And burn the dear electric light; Nor buy another costly hat; Oh no! I'm much too good for that. But I will rise before the dawn And weed and cut and roll the lawn; My border I will plant with veg, Abundantly from hedge to hedge.... more...

THE IDENTIFICATION OF HOBBS. Old Hobbs, the gardener, has been in our family longer than I have. Although we live within twenty miles of London only once has he made the journey to the great city, for that one memorable day so nearly ended in disaster that he always speaks of it with a shudder. Indeed, but for the arrival of Mrs. Hobbs, belated, flustered and inquiring everywhere for her man, he must... more...

"STUMPED!" (A would-be laudatory Ode.By Jingle Junior.) [The young Indian Gentleman, Mr. H. RANJITSINHJI, has "secured his century" at Cricket no less than eleven times this season.] O H.S. RANJIT—(spelling a wild venture is!) Wielder of willow, runner-up of "centuries"! What's in a name? A name like RANJITSIN— (Can't finish it, was foolish to begin!) How many... more...

February 11, 1914. Sir Edward Grey is to accompany the King on his visit to Paris in April next. Nobody will grudge the Foreign Minister this little treat, which he has thoroughly well earned. According to The Express the South African police discovered an elaborate plot for kidnapping all the Ministers as a preliminary to declaring a Labour Republic. In Labour circles, however, it is declared that the... more...

IN THE LANE. Monday.—Carmen exceptionally excellent. Miss Zélie de Lussan, gifted with a light, pleasant voice, sang admirably. Can't have "Trop de Zélie." Mr. Barton McGuckin, as Don Jim-along-José, did all that can be done with this weak-minded soldier. No holes to be picked in Mr. McG.'s performance, though there was a portion of his costume that would have been the better for... more...

OFFICIAL REPORT OF THE FIRE AT THE TOWER. The document with this title, that has got into the newspapers, has been dressed up for the public eye. We have obtained the original draft, and beg to administer it to our readers neat, in the precise language it was written in. THE OFFICIAL REPORT. MR. SNOOKS says, that it being his turn to be on watch on the night of Saturday, October 30th, he went to his... more...