Excerpt
The Chief Secretary's Musical Performance, with Accompaniment.—Mr. John Morley arrived last Friday at Kingston. He went to Bray. He was "accompanied" by the Under Secretary. Surely the Leader of the Opposition, now at Belfast, won't lose such a chance as this item of news offers.
The "Water-Carnival."—Good idea! But a very large proportion of those whom the show attracts would be all the better for a Soap-and-Water Carnival. Old Father Thames might be considerably improved by the process.
A RESERVED SEAT.
Mistress. "Well, James, how did you like the Show? I hope you got a good view."
Jim. "Yes thankye, M'm; I saw it first-rate. There was room fur Four or Five more where I was."
Mistress (surprised). "Indeed!—where was that?"
Jim. "In the Park, M'm,—up a Ches'nut Tree."
ODDS BOBBILI!
(The Rajah of Bobbili arrived by P.& O. at Marseilles, where he was received by Col. Humphrey on behalf of the Queen.)
There was a gay Rajah of Bobbili
Who felt when a steamer on wobblely,
"Delighted," says he,
"Colonel Humphrey to see,"
So they dined and they drank hobby-nobbeley.
Is the Times also among the Punsters?—In its masterly, or rather school-masterly, article last Saturday, on "The Divisions on the Home-Rule Bill," written with the special intention of whipping up the Unionist absentees, the Times said, "There is an opinion that, with a measure so far-reaching in its character as the Home-Rule Bill, pairing should be resorted to as sparingly as possible." The eye gifted with a three-thousand-joke-search-light power sees the pun at once, and reproduces it italicised, to be read aloud, thus—"Pairing should be resorted to as pairingly as possible." What shall he have who makes a pun in the Times? Our congratulations. Henceforth, to the jest-detectors this new development may prove most interesting.
Imperial Institute Notice at the Reception.—"Guests must retain their wraps and Head Coverings." Evidently no bald men admitted.
Australian Song in Minor Key for any Number of Voices.—"I Know a Bank!"
A BUSINESS LETTER.
["Marriage is daily becoming a more commercial affair."—A Society Paper.]
Dear Fred,—Your favour of the 3rd,
Has had my very best attention,
But yet I cannot, in a word,
Accept you on the terms you mention;
Indeed, wherever you may try,
According to the last advices
You'll meet, I fear, the same reply—
"It can't be done, at current prices!"
In vain an ancient name you show,
In vain for intellect are noted,
Blue blood and brains, you surely know,
At nominal amounts are quoted;
And then, I see, you're weak enough
To offer "love, sincere, unstudied,"—
Why, Sir, with such Quixotic stuff
The market's absolutely flooded!
But—every day this fact confirms—
The time is over for romances,
And whether we can come to terms
Depends alone on your finances.
So, would you think me over-bold
If I, with deference, requested
A statement of what funds you hold?
In what securities invested?
For, candidly, in such affairs
A speedy bid your only chance is,
A boom in Yankee millionnaires
May soon result in marked advances;
With you I'd willingly be wed,
To like you well enough I'm able,
But first submit your bank-book, Fred,
To your (perhaps) devoted Mabel!
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