Excerpt
October 20, 1920.
CHARIVARIA.
"Whenever I am in London," writes an American journalist, "I never miss the House of Commons." Nor do we, during the Recess.
"If Lord Kenyon wishes, I am prepared to fight him with any weapon he chooses to name at any time," announced Sir Claude Champion de Crespigny recently to a representative of The Star. In sporting circles it is thought that, in spite of his recent declaration, Mr. C. B. Cochran may consent to stage the encounter.
At the Air Conference last week Lieut.-Colonel Moore-Brabazon, M. P., said the Government should appoint experts to control the weather. It looks as if The Daily Mail was not going to have things all its own way.
"The object of Poland," says M. Dombski, "is peace, hard work and production." These were at one time the object of England, and she still hopes to get peace.
Mr. Pussyfoot Johnson has told a Glasgow audience that he is no kill-joy, but smokes cigars. It is also said that he has been seen going the pace playing dominoes.
"An apple a day keeps the doctor away." We can only add that the price of apples is enough to keep anybody away.
"What is a Penny Roll?" asks a headline. The answer is "Three half-pence."
The average boarding-house, says a gossip writer, is not what it seems. No, unfortunately it is what it is.
We understand that the world's record fast has been accomplished by a Scotsman, who has succeeded in remaining in Prohibition America for seven months and three days.
South Sea Islanders, when greeting friends, says Tit Bits, fling a jar of water over them. Cats on night duty are now putting a kindlier interpretation on the treatment they receive.
An employee at a coal-mine in Ohio is reported to have died from overwork. There is consolation in the fact that this could not possibly happen in England.
Three Glasgow workmen have started on a walk to London. With the possibility of a vote in favour of a dry Scotland we suppose they started early to avoid the rush.
It is still very doubtful whether Jack Dempsey can meet Jess Willard, says a sporting paper. A dear old lady thinks he might get over the difficulty by dropping him a letter.
It is reported that the captain of a village fire brigade recently declined to call his men out to a fire because it was raining. Unfortunately the owner of the fire was too busy to keep it going till the first fine day.
A clerk employed behind the counter at a post-office in the South of England recently rescued a young girl from drowning. In order to show their appreciation of the young man's bravery, local residents have now decided to purchase their stamps at his post-office.
"Life is uncertain and often full of trouble," bewails a writer in the "Picture" Press. Still, in our opinion it's the only thing worth living.
On two separate occasions last week a cat entered one of the largest churches in Yorkshire whilst a wedding was in progress. This supports our belief that feline society is contemplating the introduction of more ceremony into their own marriage system.
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