Excerpt
Don’t be ashamed to let us knowWhy you tried matrimony,For others brave the under-towFor reasons quite as funny;We give these little facts away,Perhaps it is a treason,Don’t marry in an off-hand way,Be sure “there’s a reason!”
STUNG! He was a gentle and sensitive chap,He married the forceful Miss Howe,He wanted her sympathy, did the poor yap—He has everyone’s sympathy now! SHE KEPT HER WORD. Maud hung onto straps in the Subway and “L,”No man ever said “Take my seat!”She swore that she’d marry the first one who did—The next day her husband did meet! SKIDDOO! When your wife jams her hat on and packs up her bagAnd says “I shall go back to mother!”If you sniff she will say, “Just for that I will stay!”One excuse is as good as another. SHE LOOKED SO DOCILE! John Quincy tho’ kindly and gentle, declared:“The man must be master, by gum!”But his outlook on life, is just what his dear wifeLets him peer at from under her thumb! NOT A QUITTER. Wilhemina’s bridegroom failed to show up at the churchSo she yanked the driver off the wedding hack,And married him in lieu of John, who’d left her in the lurchFor she would NOT send the wedding presents back. EVER KNOW IT TO FAIL? “I never could marry that kind of a man!”Said Miss Sue of a fellow named Sid—So of course the gods heard her and laughed when they saw,’Twas exactly the kind that she did! HOW WAS SHE TO KNOW? The reason sweet Alice got married to-day—Sweet Alice, so prettily blushing,She hadn’t the faintest idea that the gentHad another wife over in Flushing. A TONIC. Miss Luella Gloaming was naturally glum,So she married young Grouch, the recluse;For she says when she’s sad, she just looks at his face—Then she can’t help but laugh like the deuce! WHY THEY MARRIED. This couple before you are husband and wife,He looks sorry and just a bit harried;It took a mere two-spot to scare him for life,At least that’s the reason he married! EXPLAINED AT LAST. Mr. Pinhead was worth eighty millions,Miss Nothingbutt had eighty-two;Why do cash and spondulicks get married?Spondulicks and cash always do! AN OPEN AND SHUT GAME. They heard that people ought to wedTheir opposites in life;He finds an opposition whereHe thought he’d found a wife! REALLY SHE DID. You never can guess why she married this man,There’s no use the matter to mince,She married him merely because he had hairLike her lost Pomeranian, “Prince.” AND THERE YOU ARE! The reason Walter ApplepieDid wed his Nancy fair,She liked the way his mouth curled up—He liked her fuzzy hair! TRUE COMPANIONS. These people are mated exactly,And all that remains is to tell,That she is a bully good talker,And he listens equally well! ...